Soccer Mom Reflections

Adios, Blogger...

2005-04-05T21:11:00.000-05:00

...hola 1980something.weblogs.us

test

2005-04-05T20:32:00.000-05:00

Leaving blogger soon

2005-04-05T12:04:00.000-05:00

Check the hubby's site for an updated link to me sometime this week. I'm sorry I haven't been able to post, this blogger just won't cooperate. Don't give up on me! I will return.

Hubby is at http://theordinarydad.com

Dreams and Goals

2005-03-31T16:24:00.000-06:00

Our first meeting for our trip to Slovakia is on April 17th. Well, actually we are meeting this Sunday, but it's a leaders only meeting. Our whole team meets together on April 17th. One of the things we will do at this meeting is share our stories with each other. Meaning tell stuff about ourselves that reveals the "real" us. and bring objects or movie clips along to use as visuals. Last year when I did mine, I made scrapbooking pages of my life to share with everyone. I'm thinking of doing something different this year, but I don't know what. I was thinking maybe talking about my dreams and goals I have for my life. By the way, what would you say the difference between a dream and a goal is, I have an idea but when I started making a list, they seemed like the same thing. So here's my list so far:

Visit Ireland

Potty train my little Diva

Be debt free

Become more involved at church

Finish school

Become more involved in missions

Write a book

Have it published

Visit the East Coast

Take the kids to Disney World

Get a tattoo -maybe

Lose the "yeah, I've had 3 kids" stomach

There may be more at some point, but that's what I came up with for now. How about you? What's on your list of dreams and goals?

What's the deal with

2005-03-30T22:15:00.000-06:00

some random woman hitting on my husband while he's in Office Max?? Office Max, of all places? Does it not occur to her that perhaps his wife and sleeping kids are out in the car and he just ran in here to buy "pretty" paper for her? What, did she think he was buying it for himself? Could she not she see the wedding band on his finger? She actually used some excuse of thinking there was a sticker on his back just so she could touch him. I doubt she would have done that if I'd been standing there!!

2005-03-30T13:50:00.000-06:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Parenting 101 (a class I think I may have to take over)

2005-03-30T13:26:00.000-06:00

B5 was playing with some toys that connect magnetically and so he can build all kinds of things and he showed me his latest creation and said, "look, mom, it's just like the cross that Jesus died on." "yeah, it is, great job." B5:"he did really die on the cross, you know." me" "yeah, that's right" B5: "He wasn't just pretending, he really died." me: "Yes, that's right" I'm starting to feel real good about his Sunday School classes and what he's been taught and how it's been presented and then he says, "He died in our stomachs." Me: "what?" B5: "He did, he died in our stomachs." So now I'm wondering just exactly what was said in his class and how in the world did he get that out of it?!

I was trying to explain the golden rule to my son, B7, last night. I don't think he got it. I still think he thinks it says and means, "treat others the way they treat you." I said, "think of a soccer game and you run up to kick in a goal and it missed just by a tiny bit, would you want someone to say, 'oh, nice going, great try or ah, man, if you had actually gotten that in, we could have won!'?" His answer, "when we were playing today at recess I scored a goal and the goalie, Bobby said, "you missed, that doesn't count." I'm thinking we will still have to work on that one.

Little Diva had her 2 year check up this morning. The doctor asked me "how's she sleeping?" I hate that question. "Fine, as long as she's holding my finger" Dr:"that can be a hard habit to break" Yeah, I know that, why do you think she's still sleeping in my bed??

Easter Weekend

2005-03-28T23:10:00.000-06:00

Saturday afternoon found me at a Bridal Store looking at wedding dresses with my sister. She's so funny; she's been waiting FOREVER to get engaged and now that she is, she's too nervous to go into a bridal store because she thinks it will be embarressing or something. But the place was fabulous and we had lots of fun as she tried on EVERY dress in the place. (okay, not really, but seriously, how do you decide?) then it was my turn because she wanted to look at bridesmaid dresses. That was fun too, although I don't think a final decision was made in either case.

When I got home my hubby had not made dinner :) so he took us all out to Noodles!! and it was so yummy and I could have eaten more, but didn't.

Easter morning was very busy. We had to be at church by 8:15 and the kids ended up having their hair done in the car on the way there because of my lack of appropriate Easter Sunday clothing (see previous post) and so I had to try on everything in my closet. Hubby and I worked with the kids' department for the first service and since there was a low number of kids we knew they would be swamped for the next service. Unfortunetly, we had finished off the coffee and the second service volunteers would not get any, so my hubby, not even a coffee drinker, mind you, went off to make some more. (You'll have to ask him for the rest of that story and no matter what he says, there is more to that story!) Then we went up to the second service and it was incredible. Before going to the church we go to now, I had said I didn't want to go there because of its size. Well, Easter Sunday is amazing because of its size! All of us together celebrating the Resurrection of our Christ. It was incredible and I wept through most of it.

Came home, had lunch, tried to have a nap, that didn't really work out. Started getting Easter dinner together and then my sister and her new fiance came over and we had Easter dinner together and it was very tasty and lots of fun. They went home, the kids got ready for bed, hubby and I got in a spat and had to work that out, made up and then Spring Break was over and it was time to once again get clothes and lunchboxes ready for the next morning.

Yep, ups and downs, but isn't that what life is all about?

Annoyed

2005-03-25T19:55:00.000-06:00

Here's a couple of things that are annoying to me. (no, not the fighting of 3 kids off in the distance, although annoying, not really what I was thinking of right now)

1) not being able to find something worth buying to wear for Easter Sunday

and b) my lack of confidence when I go to leave a comment on someone's blog. I usually end up thinking, "what a stupid thing to say" and then repeatedly hitting the delete button.

Oh bother, I'm off to eat a big bowl of ice cream.

Tattoo?

2005-03-25T16:30:00.000-06:00

So the thing is, I'm thinking of getting a tattoo. Maybe. I don't know. Is there anything you think I should know before I decide? and if I decide to do it, what should I look for in a place? It kind of scares me, but my sister has one and she had a successful experience, so... Does it hurt? I sound like a wimp, I know. I did give birth 3 times, I suppose I should be able to handle getting a tattoo right? If you have one, how long have you had it, where is it, what is it and do you still love it? oh, and how did you decide what design to go with? Ok, that's it for now, thanks for any info you have for me!!

Maundy Thursday

2005-03-25T13:04:00.000-06:00

Last night I went to a Maundy Thursday service with a friend of mine at her church. I've never been to a church like hers before and while it was different, it was also the same. It was a beautiful service and I'm glad I went. I would like to share one thought that the pastor shared with us. It was the last supper Jesus was having with His disciples and while usually there would be a servant to wash their feet, this night there was not one. I guess it did not occur to any of the disciples that they could be the one to pick up the basin and the towel. But it occurred to Jesus. He washed each foot of His disciples. These were not clean feet. They were dirty and smelly and each one of them had two feet!! It's not only amazing to me that He was willing to wash their feet, but even more so is that He was willing to do it with full knowledge that within hours, one set of feet would be on their way to betray Him and the others would be running the other way, away from Him. And yet, with love and kindness, He bent down and washed their feet.

He knows how dirty we are too. He knows what we will be doing later today, tomorrow, in the years to come. But He loves us just the same and He was willing to "wash our feet" as well. He died on the cross, to wash us clean of our sin. The thing is, we don't have to be clean to come to Him. He is willing to come to us, even though we are dirty and even though the possibility exists that we will betray or run from Him. That is AMAZING LOVE!

Have a great day, and a Good Friday!!

Q & A for Just Me

2005-03-25T09:23:00.000-06:00

Just Me, here are your interview questions:

1. What was the last movie you saw at the theatre and did you enjoy it and why or why not?

2. What is one thing about you that you don't think many people know but you wish they did?

3. What do you want your legacy to be for your kids?

4. Where is your dream vacation?

5. What is your favorite thing to do if you ever have free time?

There you go, have fun. Thanks for the opportunity to "question" you!!

A Service Announcement

2005-03-24T11:44:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to share with you an extremely important truth I learned last night. It's how to deal with those annoying red lights that make you stop ALL the time when you are on your way somewhere important. (and aren't we always?).
Here's the answer: A BIG bowl of Cold Stone Ice Cream in the flavor of your choice. (Mine is strawberry ice cream with blackberries and fudge mixed in). It works, try it. Instead of groaning when the light turns red, you will be cheering because it allows you one more opportunity to shovel in the oh-so-yummy ice cream!

Like I said, Try it, you'll see I'm right. and let me know what you're favorite flavor is!

My Baby

2005-03-22T16:20:00.000-06:00

Dear Princess,
Two years ago today, right about now, everyone was crowded around my hospital bed, oohing and ahing over you and how beautiful you were and daddy had to have you pried out of his hands if any one else wanted to hold you because he immediately fell in love with you and knew the job of protecting you had started.
We would watch you sleep and I remember wondering what the years would hold with you, and what your little voice would sound like and how my heart would feel when you first called me "mom".
I was going through a pretty tough time in my life when we found out you were on the way. I wanted you to be a girl so badly. I love your brothers, never fear. But something inside of me just really wanted a little girl. I honestly thought I might not get one because maybe God would punish me for my lack of faith in Him during those tough times. When we found out the chances were real good that you were a girl, I tried not to get my hopes up. I felt like I did not deserve you and I think I held my breath the rest of the pregnancy.
And then, you came into the world and into our hearts and I cried. I suddenly felt like God really must love me a lot if He was willing to give me this beautiful, healthy and amazing baby. I am so thankful for you, Sweetie. You truly are God's gift to us.
Now, it's 2 years later and you have filled our home with all things pink and our hearts with joy that spills over. I hear your voice and I love the sound of it, even when you are stomping your foot and telling me "no!" But the most amazing of all is the sound of your voice when you touch my face and you say "I yuv you, Mama!" My heart melts and bursts and fills up with love all at the same time. Honey, I love you, too!
I don't know what the future holds for you. I do know that God has special plans for you. You have the determination to do whatever you want and the sweetness of spirit to get people to do it with you. I consider it an awesome privilege to be able to watch you grow and learn.
Oh, and by the way, when the time comes for you to leave our house, I'm pretty sure you will have to pry your daddy's fingers off once again!!
Happy Birthday, baby, I love you.
Mom

How Blogging has improved my life

2005-03-22T08:00:00.000-06:00

You know, one thing that I love about blogging, is that it makes all the not so fun parts of your daily life almost worth it because then you know you have something great to blog about!

Take the other day for instance. We were out as a family and B7 had to go to the bathroom. His dad went in with him and when they came out, Hubby was holding the jacket kind of funny. "what happened?" I wanted to know. "He missed and peed on his coat." You have got to be kidding me. The kid is nearly 8, how does this happen? So, we went out to the car and the jacket got tossed into the back of the SUV. We went home for a bit, picked up the dog and was off to run a few more errands. Now the dog and the coat are in the back together and all of a sudden we hear the sounds of the dog vomitting back there. You've got to be kidding me!! I look at my husband and I roll my eyes and he says his standard line, "Toss a quarter." meaning, whoever wins gets to blog the story.

So, I had to come home, throw the coat in the wash, hubby had to clean up the throw up out of the car and I was not nearly as stressed out about it because I knew it gave me great blogging material.

Yep, blogging has definetely improved my life.

Nina, this is for you

2005-03-21T12:49:00.000-06:00

Okay, Nina, here are your interview questions. Sorry it took so long, my weekend, Friday included was non-stop so I had no computer time. Here you go:

1. What was the best and worst advice on parenting you ever received?

2. What is your favorite childhood memory?

3. If you could live anywhere in the world, where and why?

4. What would me the one most important value or idea would you want to be sure your kids learned from you?

5. What is your all-time favorite meal and do you cook it yourself or go out somewhere for it?

Have fun. Looking forward to your answers.

My Interview Questions

2005-03-17T17:04:00.000-06:00

These are my interview questions from Sandra over at Everyday Grace.

1. You went on a mission trip to Slovakia last year. What about that time had the greatest significance to you and why?
Wow, there was so much about this trip that was amazing. My whole life I’ve wanted to be a missionary, from the time I was a very young child. I planned my life pretty much thinking that is what I would be doing. I went to Bible School so I would have a strong background and a degree and I figured the day after graduation I would be on a plane to some mission field. It didn’t happen that way and now I am in the middle of my life with a husband, 3 kids, a dog, a mortgage, car payment and credit card debt and though I carry the desire around in my heart, my head tells me time is running out. But then God brought along this opportunity for me to go the mission field and be a part of something bigger than my own life and to be used by Him. This was incredible to me. I fell in love with the country and the people and I am so blessed with a husband who allowed me to do this without him (it’s his dream too) and is willing to make it possible for me to go again this year. I feel like God did not forget about me and does still have a plan for me and knows the desires of my heart.

2. You have blogged about your love of books. What is your favorite book and why?
It’s true. I love books. I wish I had kept track over the years of all the books I have read. When I was in elementary school, I started a new school in the 3rd grade and by the 5th grade I had read every book in the library and they ended up having to bring me books from the jr high so I would have something to read. It’s hard to say what my favorite book would be. One of them would be a book by Francine Rivers called Redeeming Love. It’s the story of Hosea and it really helps you to understand the depth of love God has for His people. T. Davis Bunn wrote a book called The Great Divide and it’s about people willing to sacrifice their lives if necessary for the passion they feel. And then there’s The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. I have never in my life read a romance about old people and how they have aged and how their love for each other is timeless, even in sickness.

3. I loved the wedding video Steve made. What do you and Steve do to keep your marriage strong after 10 years?
Marriage did not come easy for me or for Steve. Our first couple of years were very hard but I think just knowing that we were together for life made us work things out. We’ve both grown up a lot over the past 10 years so that has helped. And we pray for each other and about our marriage, a lot! And we talk, all the time, about everything. He works 2nd shift so he is home with me during the day and we do everything together and we talk and talk and then when he comes home from work we talk some more. We spend our weekends together as a family and we talk some more. And we laugh, A LOT! We both have a strange sense of humor and we tease each other and find things funny and joke with the kids and anyone else that happens to be around us! I was in a pretty bad relationship before I met Steve and I had been verbally abused. This affected me in a huge way because I never wanted to say anything I didn’t mean or when I was mad or that might hurt his feelings. But it also kept me from communicating with him very well. I have finally learned over the years that if I do end up speaking my mind and saying something that he doesn’t want to hear or that may hurt his feelings in the moment, he’s a grown man and can take it. And we forgive each other and move on. (not to mention that he budgets for my weekly visit to Cold Stone!!)

4. Why do you blog?
Last summer when I was in Slovakia my husband started a blog and kept a running account of his days while I was gone. I’d never heard of such a thing before but it sure was great to come home and read about what went on at home while I was gone. Then, of course, I started reading other blogs. At first, it seemed like I found all the ones that, although they invited comments, must not have meant it because they didn’t like mine. So, I felt like I was not welcome to leave my opinion there. That meant I needed a forum to post my opinion somewhere. So I started my own blog. I have always kept a journal, so this was very fun for me. And I love that other people can read it and interact with what you’ve written. It’s like Dear Diary had become real people with whom I have made some real friendships. And I’ve always loved to write.

5, In the rare moments you have to get away by yourself and do whatever you want, what is the first thing on your list to do?
You mean time for myself, not just the once in a lifetime opportunity to go the grocery store without kids? Well, after a stop off at Cold Stone for the usual, I would hit a scrapbooking store. I love to see what's new and look at all the paper and stickers and accessories. I tell myself I scrapbook, but mostly I make cards and pages that become gifts. But I have lots of the stuff and one day, I will. I could lose track of a lot of time in a store like that, even if I don't ever buy anything because it gives me so many great ideas and allows me to think of all the people that I could make a card for or a scrapbook page for and it's very inspirational.

So, by now, everyone knows how this works. If you want me to interview you, leave me a comment and then I will send you questions which you can answer on your blog. and then you can ask for any interested parties to be interviewed by you!

Help!!

2005-03-17T10:10:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow night I am having a very distinguished guest for dinner. He is from Slovakia, he's on the board of the church that our church is associated with and he's on the board of the school that we went over there to help out and he is the man of the house that I had the privelege of staying in for a few days while I was in Slovakia. His family is so special. I love his wife and I'm so sad that she could not come with him. Anyway, it is a big honor for me to return the favor, so to speak, and have him here for dinner? But I don't know what to serve. What would you make? Please help me out here. Thanks. or as they say in Slovak, Da Quiem!

The day has arrived

2005-03-16T16:14:00.000-06:00

My sister is 7 years younger than me, but we have become best friends. She's an amazing auntie to my kids and with all her heart wants to be married and have kids of her own. She's been dating this guy for about 4 years and we were beginning to wonder if they would ever get engaged. Well, they did, on Sunday and she is flying high now!! This is so thrilling for her, she has been waiting and waiting for this. Friday was my hubby and my anniversary, as most of you know, and she said, "how could you guys be married for 10 years and I'm not yet at all!!" But the wait is over and the plans are in the works! I love planning weddings and she doesn't so she is allowing me to help (read, take over). I'm not sure how her fiance feels about this, but, oh well, I'm the big sister!! j/k!!

and my little girl gets to be the flower girl and she is going to look so cute in a little flower girl dress!! I can't wait.

mixed messages

2005-03-15T18:28:00.000-06:00

Announcements heard at church this weekend:

1. Palm Sunday evening we will be showing the movie, The Passion of the Christ. Bring your family and friends and even if you've seen it before, consider making it a tradition as we watch together the heart wrenching story of the Christ.

2. Please consider signing up for our new class we are offering, called Non-Violent Communication. In our day and age it is so easy to solve problems with violence that it is necessary to learn how to communicate without it.

an every day mom's must have

2005-03-14T16:06:00.000-06:00

I know, I know, there are lots of things in our lives that make them oh so easy. Things like pay at the pump, dishwashers, caller id, disposable diapers, premeasured lunch snacks, and the list goes on. but I find myself needing just a couple more. I could really use a Chinese restaurant that has a drive thru and also a corner gas station that has a drive thru. On these very bitter cold days, when it takes so much work to get 3 kids bundled up and into the car and into seatbelts and have them all happy with the seating arrangement, it's just too much work to park, undo the seatbelts, get them out of the car, herd them into the store, order, pay, listen to the whining and the fighting and go back into the car, buckle them in, drive home, get everyone out of the seatbelts, out of the car, back into the house. So, I don't do it. But if I had the choice, on my way home from picking up my son from school, I would definetely swing by Fried Rice To-Go and order from the pick up window. or the corner gas station for a cup of coffee and a Snickers bar to go. Sounds good doesn't it? How lazy am I?

my hubby

2005-03-12T12:27:00.000-06:00

check out my hubby's site, ordinarydad.livejournal.com to see a few clips of our wedding.

10 years

2005-03-11T16:33:00.000-06:00

Today is Hubby and my 10 year anniversary. In some ways it seems like it could not possibly be 10 years yet, and in other ways it seems like I've been married to him my whole life. You know, when you say your vows at your wedding, you mean them with all your heart, even though you have no idea what they mean. I remember promising to stay true to him through all the troubles that darken our door, at which point my dad added, (he married us), and they will come. Those are easy words to say, especially in the format of "repeat after me". On that day, at that moment, I did not know what troubles may come our way, I just knew I wanted to spend my life with this man and go through the good times and the bad times with him. After 10 years, we've had our share of darkened doors and living out those promises are much harder than saying them. But my desire to spend every day with him, no matter what, has never changed. He's not perfect, (neither am I) but he's perfect for me. He listens to me, he laughs with me, he treats me like a Princess, he stops and buys me chocolate for no reason on his way home from work. He makes the best coffee, even though he doesn't drink it himself, he's an amazing father, full of love, fun and discipline. He takes great care of us, supplying us with all we need, especially Cold Stone ice cream, at least once a week. He's aware of my moods and is respectful of them. He encourages me to become more, do more (for me) and achieve all I want. He believes in me and he likes to be with me. And, as if that were not enough, last June he took his vacation time and stayed home with the kids for 17 days so I could go on a missions trip with our church. It was a great experience for me, but a little rough on him and at the time, he told me not to plan to be gone away that long again. But, as the trip was starting to be planned again for this year he said, "go ahead, I know this is really something you want to do and feel called to do. I support you in this."

I love you, honey, and I am looking forward to spending another 10 years with you, and then 10 more and then 10 more and then another 10 and another and another......

10 years minus one day

2005-03-09T19:16:00.000-06:00

Ten years ago, tomorrow, I was finishing the final touches of prep for my wedding and getting the church decorated, fighting with my best friend, answering a ton of questions regarding roses, cake, rehearsal dinner, seeking confirmation from my groom that one of his groomsmen would be on his best behavior, feeling nervous and excited and going through rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.

A lot has happened in 10 years. If you had asked me then what I wanted in 10 years, I would have said, "Live in a house, have 3 kids, a dog, an SUV, working in our local church" Guess what, I have all that. But it sure doesn't play in the real day to day stuff like you think it will in your mind. Yes, I have 3 kids and they are beautiful and amazing and a lot of work. The dog eats butter, paper and all give the chance. (yes, I have forgotten to put the butter away, I know I should learn, but I'm slow) I live in a house and I truly thought I would be a much better housekeeper than I am. I thought I would be good at it and keep the house sparkling and clutter free. Reality is, not even close. The SUV is fabuous, it's the Saturn Vue, in burnt orange, but it gets messy too, and needs gas and stuff breaks.

Anyway, what I'm saying is that I did not think in terms of specific details. My life is what I thought it would be while at the same time, not what I thought. So this leads me to wonder what the next 10 years will look like and where I think I will be. I will have an 18 (!) year old, a 15 year old and a 12 year old and while I think, in my mind what that will look like, I have the feeling that the reality is, I have no idea.

I'm 10 years older and in another 10 years I will be another 10 years older (impressive huh?) But there are days when I still feel like that 25 year old with so much to learn and so many insecurities, looking forward to the future but at the same time very nervous, not knowing what to expect. Is that what I will still feel like when I'm 45?

Faithfulness

2005-03-08T15:27:00.000-06:00

There's a song on the radio that says "there's something about a sunrise that reminds me of Your faithfulness" God is so faithful to us in so many ways but a very tangible one is the sunrise. It is there every morning. As I was thinking about this I realized that I am, also, pretty faithful in the morning. I get up, make sure my kids get breakfast, if it's a school day, make B7 a lunch, get him ready to get out the door, change a diaper, make myself a cup of coffee. Every morning. There's one big difference though. I'm pretty sure God isn't thinking to himself "are you kidding me? again with the sunrise? didn't I just do that yesterday, and the day before and every morning for the past thousands of years!!" I get tired of getting up in the morning to change a diaper and fix breakfast and make sure my kids are actually eating their breakfast, not just giggling and spilling milk everywhere, and make sure the underwear actually gets changed and this all has to be rehashed for them each day and sometimes I think to myself "are you kidding me with this breakfast thing again, didn't you just eat dinner last night? Don't you remember how you didn't even bother to finish your breakfast yesterday! Do you remember me saying to you yesterday, that yes, underwear has to be changed EVERY DAY and so obviously that means today too."
So when I see the sunrise I remember just how faithful God is to us and the love He has for us and the fact that He is willing to craft an incredible sight for us each and every day, whether we bother to notice it or not. And that's what I need to work on. Not just being reliable, but doing it with the attitude that says, I love you and I'm doing this for you, whether you realize it or not. (because, really, what 5 and 7 year old are going to realize that breakfast every morning and clean clothes do not just happen by coincidence?)

"She did not just call you back!"

2005-03-07T16:49:00.001-06:00

I recently complained about some customer service, or lack of, that I had been experiencing. Now I have to share this experience with you. I called AT&T (now Cingular) so that I could ask them a question about my security code on my wireless. She was able to help me, even though I could not help her by pulling out the battery and giving her my serial number. (I was using my cell phone to make the call). Then I asked to be transferred to the warranty department because I need to ask for a replacement phone, because, you see, one day, while strapping a baby into a stroller, passing out snacks, finding the needed pacifier, insisting that my boys wear helmets and answering my cell phone, I dropped it and the side of it broke off. Well, while I was being transferred, my hubby informed me that I would definetely need the serial number off my phone for them to be able to replace it. So, I hung up. A few seconds later, the phone rang and it was the Cingular lady telling me she was sorry we had been disconnected and wanted to transfer me to a voice mail. (Warrany was closed by this time.) So I apologized to her, because I was the one that hung up and said "thank you so much for all your help. and my husband said, "she did not just call you back!" and I said, with awe in my voice, "yes, she did."
wow.

16 and skinny

2005-03-05T08:54:00.000-06:00

I was always pretty skinny as a kid. Although I hated that word and preferred "thin". I would have people, on a regular basis say to me, "Just wait until you have babies!" (imagine a high pitched, snotty voice) I always thought that was not very nice and wonder if they were wishing weight gain on me. Well, I survived pretty good the birth of my first 2. It took me some time each time to lose the weight, but I did. But now my baby is just days away from 2 and I weigh the heaviest I ever had in my life (aside from when I was pregnant). and I think back to those people and I hear their voices in my head and I think, if they could see me know they would be so happy!

We joined a fitness club recently and my hubby started off better than I did. (I have all kinds of excuses, I'm not sure any of them are good reasons.) But this week, I made it there 3 times to work out. I am feeling pretty good about this although my body is very sore. I'm not sure that I will get the results I'm looking for though, just by working out. I have a feeling I will also have to change the way I eat. I'm thinking fewer chips and dip and no more ice cream every night. Man, I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted to, whenever I wanted to. I really don't like this getting older thing. Not that I'm even that old, but my body's metabolism is changing and I'm realizing I also have to make some changes. Not to mention that now there is a history of heart disease in my family and I am thinking that maybe my heart could use some better looking after. I certainly don't want to go through what my mom did. But I also really like chips and dip and ice cream!! Oh to be 16 again!

the list

2005-03-04T18:52:00.000-06:00

so I was going to sit down to write out my grocery list so I could be well prepared for my trip to the store and realized it could be done in one word:

EVERYTHING!!

For interesting stories of my 2 youngest, check out ordinarydad.livejournal.com

I am so blogging this.

2005-03-02T17:17:00.000-06:00

I'm quite certain I said those words to my hubby at some point this past weekend but right now I cannot remember why. I feel like it was something quite witty or profound and I just can't believe that I have no idea what it was. So, instead I will share a recent realization regarding my children. In a few weeks, each of them will have experienced two and my daughter is getting a head start. They could not all have approached the "terrible two's" any differently.

My oldest believes he was born an adult so he didn't do things adults wouldn't do. I never had to worry about him writing on walls or things like that because adults wouldn't do that, why would he? He knew the rules and if he believed in them, he was very capable of obeying them. I did not have to worry about him riding his little plastic trike out into the street, because that's just not what you did. When we went for walks, I could count on him to keep on the sidewalk and wait for me if he came to a driveway or a street. (dont' get me wrong, he's the strong-willed child you read about and if he didn't believe the rule was right for him, he didn't obey it).

My second son spends a lot of his time in his own little world. He would never dream of breaking a rule, but I would have to keep him closer to me while on our walks because, although he knew he shouldn't go out in the street, often times he would be singing a song and completely oblivious to fact that there was a street beneath him.

My precious little daughther, though, seems to be of completely a different nature. I think she will be the one who will completely "on purpose" break the rules. She frowns at me, stomps her foot and says, "NO!", simply, I think, because she can. and while I don't let her get away with it, she's so cute that I think it could be a little bit harder to discipline than the boys. Not that they aren't cute, because they are. I have the cutest kids ever, but she can quickly turn into quite the charmer and she's got me!!

annoyed

2005-03-01T15:45:00.000-06:00

sometimes i think i am too easily offended. (my hubby would agree) I get so frustrated with customer service reps. Where's the customer service? it's supposed to mean more than just showing up for work!! Yesterday I went in to a big retail store to their pharmacy because I was hoping to pick up a prescription. I had been to a different location the day before and they told me they did not have the inhalers the dr prescribed for my son. (one for home, one for school).
So they called another location to verify if they did. and I was told they did. So I went over there the next day, and come to find out, they only have one! So I said, "I was told you had them." the reply, "well, we have one." me: "someone called from that other pharmacy to check and I was told you had them" At this point some guy in the back looks up at me and says, " I took that call, they asked if we had one and because we had one, I said, Yes." in a very defensive tone. I was frustrated. It didn't mean that I was mad at him, but I needed that inhaler and it was frustrating that there was a miscommunication. I felt like asking him if he was mad at ME. I had to rethink my plan again, because this 2nd pharmacy did not have what I needed. I said I understood that it wasn't there fault. If they were asked if they had one than that's that. But I needed TWO!! and he could have put on his customer service voice and apologized for someone else's actions simply because they are both representatives of the same company. Too much to ask I guess.

PS: something else that annoys me, On Survivor, when Jeff says, "I'll go tally the votes." he doesn't go tally the votes, he goes and gets the votes. Yes, I understand that tallying takes place between the time he leaves and when he comes back, but he doesn't come back and say, here's the result!! which is what he should say if he had already tallied them. But he doesn't, so instead he should just say, I'll go get the votes. it annoys me. every time. Not that I watch Survivor on a regular basis or anything.

Childhood Friend

2005-02-26T07:46:00.000-06:00

My best friend's birthday was the other day. I have not talked to her in almost a year. I have not seen her in almost 4 years. But as little or as much as we keep in touch, whenever we talk it's always like old times and we just start in on whatever is going on in our lives. We grew up together. We were 6 when we met and we spent every possible moment together for 10 years and I was 16 and my family moved away. Although we were best friends when we were growing up, if we did end up spending too much time together we would fight like sisters. I think that is what has helped us stay close all these years. Our lives started in about the same track, getting married, having a baby, and than that's when life got tough for her and why it has been so long since I have seen her or talked to her. Her husband abused her and she left him and became a single mom struggling to make a life for herself and her son. Money was always tight and so she rarely had a phone or an email account. Our moms are close as well, so that helped in keeping us updated on each other's life. But things are a bit better for her now, and she is back on line and has a phone so I was able to talk to her on her birthday. I wish we lived closer. We know each other so well, even after all this time, and it seems somehow refreshing to talk and catch up with her. I guess it's because we can't pretend to be something we are not since we each know the other's deep dark secrets!! She's an amazing person and has survived much heartache in her life. I am as thankful for her today as I was when I was a kid and she was the only one who understood my crush on a boy in our youth group named Boyd. (I wonder where he is today!!)

I have many amazing friends right here that live just around the corner from me, without whom my life would be empty and I am very thankful for them! In fact, one of them has agreed to help watch my kids so I can go to Slovakia this summer. This is an incredible blessing to me. But there is just something about someone who has gone through very nearly your whole life with you and, still, considers you a friend.

Happy birthday, my friend. May your year be filled with every imaginable and unimaginable blessing! I love you and I miss you!

Minute

2005-02-22T16:43:00.000-06:00

Hearing your words repeated back to you by your children is a bit enlightening. I have been saying to my baby girl, "just a minute" when she asks for juice first thing in the morning in hopes that she will let me stay in bed just a few more minutes. Now, when I ask her to come to me, to change her diaper, or to get her dressed she says, "ok, minute". Yeah. Now I know how she feels!!

B4 turns 5!!

2005-02-19T19:54:00.000-06:00

Today, my sweet natured little boy turned 5! In fact, it doesn't seem possible. Five years ago today, I was laying in a hospital bed with this tiny bundle in my arms thinking, "he's so small, and so precious and has already brought our family so much joy." And he has continued to do so (nearly) every day. He is so sweet and insightful and full of humor and wit and imagination that I just love to hear what he's doing and saying. His big brother is such a strong personality that I was worried that B5 would get lost in it. But he has learned to stand up for himself, without losing his own personality. In fact, the other day while riding in the car, B5 was telling us all about stars and what they are made of and his brother interupts to ask dad a question. B5 says, "Hey, I'm talking here!"

I was watching him tonight, opening his gifts and becoming so engrossed in each one and just really having a great time and I think to myself, how is this possible that this amazing child belongs to me? He truly is a gift from God and he just fills up our lives with sunshine. I said to him, "B5, how in the world did you get to be 5 years old?" and he looked and me and said, "Every year, on your birthday, God changes your number."

So simple, so much faith.

Happy Birthday, my boy. I love you so much and I cannot wait to see what God has for you in your days and years ahead. Your smile brightens the room and sometimes, so can your frown just because you are so cute. And having you in our lives fills our hearts. I'm not sure how much of this day you will remember, but I plan to remember it forever.

I love books ... and cake!

2005-02-18T20:20:00.000-06:00

So I think my book party was fairly successful, even after inviting over 25 people and only having 4 of them show up. I did get a lot of positive responses though, "wow, that sounds great, but we have (fill in the blank)." I have no idea if people were really that interested but previously committed or if they were being nice, but for those of who showed up it was lots of fun and the 4 that came bought enough in books that I was able to get $40 of merchandise for $16. I was happy. I bought a book called Cold Sassy Tree and one called Eat Cake by Jeanne Ray. the woman that has these book parties mentioned this book changed her life so I was intrigued enough to have to buy it. I have not had lots of time to dive in yet but I started it and it sounds interesting. Let me share a part with you

"Cakes have gotten a bad rap. People equate virtue with turning down dessert. There is always one person at the table who holds up her hand when I serve the cake. No, really, I couldn't, she says, and then gives her flat stomach a conspiratorial little pat. Everyone who is pressing a fork into that first tender layer looks at the person who declined the plate, and they all think, That person is better than I am. That person had discipline. But that isn't a person with discipline, that is a person who has completely lost touch with joy. A slice of cake never made anybody fat. You don't eat the whole cake. You don't eat a cake every day of your life. You take the cake when it is offered because cake is delicious. You have a slice of cake and what it reminds you of is someplace safe, uncomplicated, without stress. A cake is a party, a birthday, a wedding. A cake is what's served on the happiest days of your life."

Sounds interesting, huh? Well, if anyone is interested in reading it with me, we could do a sort of blog book club. Read it and discuss it. I'm curious if I can find out how or why it changed this lady's life and what impact it will have on me. and interestingly enough, tomorrow morning I will get up and bake a cake for my son's birthday.

Today, Tomorrow, Next Week

2005-02-16T07:42:00.000-06:00

There are times when I think, I don't know what all the hype is about, we're not one of those families who are busily running from here to there with no time for thinking or breathing. And when the message is to slow down, I think to myself, "If I slow down any more, I'll never get out of bed."

This week and next, is not one of those times. I'm not sure how it happened, but all of a sudden my calendar is very full with litlle room for thinking and breathing. Tonight I am helping host an info meeting for anyone from church who is interested in finding out more about the trip to Slovakia. I still need to finish up my notes on that. Tomorrow, in the morning, I go over to my son's school to help out in his classroom for a bit and than I have to clean my house because tomorrow night I am hosting a book party. Which will be very fun (it's books instead of say, tupperware or candles and it's very cool!) but there is a lot of work to get ready for that. Than on Friday, I am off to do the grocery shopping, come home, bake some cupcakes for B4's birthday celebration with some friends from school. Saturday is actually his birthday and I will be baking another cake for that for the family celebration! He's very excited, he did decide on Chuck E Cheese. I'm still taking my mom to therapy 2x a week and than next Wednesday I have conferences for B4 followed by his 5 year check up. And than it will hopefully settle down at least for a while. My hubby just signed us up at a health club and I really want time to go work out so I can be in shape for my upcoming trip to Slovakia. It's a lot of walking and a lot of physical activities.

Okay, so I'm off to get ready for this day, while I am mentally already ahead a few days!!

Surprise, Happy Valentine's Day!

2005-02-14T07:24:00.000-06:00

Valentine's Day 1994

I got off work at the Bible Book Store about 9pm and my parents met me there. They had just driven to Chicago from Winnipeg, Manitoba because I would be having minor surgery in the morning and they wanted to be there with me. We stopped at a restaurant for a quick bite to eat and we were back to my apartment a little past 10pm. My mom had made me some special Valentine's Day chocolates so she was bringing those out to show me and she had repaired a quilt she had made me years ago and had brought that out so we were in the midst of catching up and looking over stuff when the buzzer on my apartment wall rang. I pushed the talk button and said "who's there?" "John" I heard through the static. I pushed talk again, "Come on up" As I was opening the door my mom asked "John who?" my reply was, "I have no idea". But I really did have a tiny idea, I just could not imagine what he would be doing at my apartment on Valentine's Day at 10:30 pm.
John was someone who had only months before started coming to our church. We had done stuff together before, but in a group and I didn't ever really think anything about it. I was just being nice to him because he was new to our group and I thought he was coming into the Bible Book Store a lot because he wanted a Bible and was looking for Christian music. I remember the first time I considered if there was something more going on when a friend of mine asked me what was going on with me and John. Up until that point I had only considered him a friend and now I realized how great he was and how I was looking forward to spending more time with him. About a week later was Valentine's Day and here he was at my door at 10:30 at night with my parents behind me and he's holding a white, long stemmed rose. "Happy Valentine's Day" he says.
I invite him in, introduce him to my parents, we are both sort of in shock, I was not expecting him and he was not expecting my parents. He had to have some of the chocolates and see the repaired quilt (all of which today he says he has no memory of!). I told him why my parents were in town and he said he would be praying for me in the morning for my surgery to go well and he was off. I found out much later that he had been sitting outside my apartment for awhile with one of his friends trying to decide if he should come up or not.
Well, the next morning I got a phone call saying my doctor had a sudden death in the family and would not be doing surgery that day and I was rescheduled. So I called John to let him know he didn't have to pray for me that day, but that my surgery was postponed. One thing led to another and he ended up spending most of that week with my parents and me. I'm pretty sure that was not how he was planning our first few dates, but I think my parents were glad to have that time getting to know him.
That was a very special Valentine's Day for me and a year and a month later we were married. And now for Valentine's Day a special treat for me is one white, long stemmed rose and it reminds me of that crazy day 11 years ago when I was first falling in love!

"What? What?"

2005-02-11T09:23:00.000-06:00

In a ridiculous attempt to pull myself out of the funk I was in, I went over to the mall armed with my many gift cards to try to find some clothes I would like. I had a return to make at American Eagle. I was unable to make myself feel better, instead, I was only able to prove to myself that I am now an overweight, middle-aged woman and have no right to be in that store. The music, if you could call it that, was so loud I could not even hear the guy ask me if I had the receipt for what I was returning. Then I wandered around the store to see if there was anything I had to have. All of their clothes come in size 0 and although I saw what I thought could be a cute shirt, I realized that if Donna wouldn't let her daughter wear it, I probably shouldn't either. (ha ha!) I finally had to leave with nothing to show for my time in there except a headache and a sense of having crossed over the line from hip and cute to old and practical. There's got to be cute, acceptable clothes out there somewhere that fit me and are fashionable, doesn't there? or are my dreams too lofty?

The Endless Circle

2005-02-09T16:27:00.000-06:00

If you are looking for something interesting to read, you won't find it here today. I am feeling very sad today and am not sure why. I have nothing witty, funny, clever or inspirational to say. It is cold out, 2 of the 3 kids are still in pj's (it's 4:30pm), there are dirty dishes in the sink and clean ones in the dishwasher. The laundry still isn't done, the house is a mess and all I want to do is go to bed. Too bad that is not an option for me. Instead, I must, cook and serve dinner to 3 kids who will not want to even eat what I cook and serve. Empty the dishwasher, only to fill it up again with dirty dishes. Try to get the laundry done so my son has something to wear to school tomorrow, keep the kids from squabbling over something so mundane it hurts my head but must be dealt with because 1) I'm the mom and 2) It's very serious to them. Feed the dog and try to figure out if and when he poops when he's outside. (we now have a dog, as of this weekend, hopefully all will go good) Oversee homework and sign all necessary school forms and get the kids to bed on time so I can get up and do it all again tomorrow.
Yeah, I better go, I'm depressing myself even more.

My Sunshine Kids

2005-02-07T15:35:00.000-06:00

The other night my kids were watching a Veggie Tales movie they got from the Library (it's hard to believe there any we don't have, but we must not be keeping up real well lately). Anyway, Larry the Cucumber starts singing "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine."

When each of my kids were little I would sing that song to them. I am still singing it to my baby Girl. And they have all seemed to really enjoy it. At least I thought they did until I saw their reaction when Larry started singing. Both the boys immediately closed their eyes and clamped their hands over their ears and started shouting, "IS IT OVER!!" I was so surprised, my baby and I were quite enjoying it and the boys were in near convulsion fits. I had no idea how they felt about "our" song. I started laughing and my hubby said, "well, you're a good woman, a lesser woman would be crying over this." There's no reason to cry, no I know I can torment them with "our" song!!

I know this much is true

2005-02-05T09:22:00.000-06:00

When I was a kid I knew the Bible was true simply because of the verse, "A brother is born for adversity." He's 3 years older than me and he caused unmeasurable adversity in my life. (It wasn't until much later in life when I found out what that verse really meant!)
He called me "Beth, the ham" as a reference to Bethlehem. He would say, "Beth is an angel from heaven too bad she fell on her face." He would punch me in the arm over and over, the exact same spot so I had a continual bruise there. He would destroy every toy I had either by putting a stink bomb in it or screwing holes in it. I had a canopy bed and he would hang my dolls from the canopy (very traumatic, by the way) He would hide in the basement and jump out and scare me when I would reach up to pull the chain to turn the light on. He would hide under my bed and tape record conversations with my friends and me. He would tease me mercilessly (one time by telling the guy I liked that I had failed my drivers' test) The list goes on and on.

These were not things he was allowed to do. He would get in trouble, but it did not deter him from tormenting me. I wouldn't say we are close today. He lives only minutes away but we don't have a very close relationship. We were raised in a pastor's home and a time came when the church mistreated my dad in a huge way and while it affected each of us, my brother has really never been able to get over it. And some of the anger he has, he directs at my dad. So, you can see, there are lots of dynamics that play a role in the relationship.

But I have to say that in a crisis, he's very reliable. When mom had to be admitted into the hospital, he was right there, taking care of her and dad and me and my sister and my kids. I'm not sure that this makes up for all that he did to me when we were kids but it sure is good to know that when push comes to shove he will be the brother that was born to help in times of adversity!!

Good news X3

2005-02-03T07:44:00.000-06:00

1. The Christmas tree is now down and put away.

2. My baby slept in her own bed for the whole night for the first time!

3. I have turned in my application and deposit for the trip to Slovakia and have been officially asked to lead the team for the 5th and 6th grade camp!! This is truly a miracle and a dream come true!!

Weddings and Communism

2005-02-01T16:17:00.000-06:00

In 1989 when the wall came down in Berlin, I was attending a Bible School that did not allow TV's so I missed out on some unbelivable history happening before everyone's eyes but mine. (and the other 7 that I went to Bible School with). I did eventually see some footage but i have to say it did not really impact me too much. I mean, after all, my life hadn't changed that day in November and while I understood what the implications were there was no way for me to fully understand those implications and what they might mean for someone living in a communist country. That is, until I went to Slovakia last June. As one of the team leaders I went over a few days before the rest of the team and was able to spend some time in the home of an amazing couple. We stayed up late talking one night and I heard their incredible story. They planned to get married in October of 1989 and they decided to get married in church because they felt like this was the right thing to do. They were the only ones that felt that way. Their family and friends all tried desperately to get them to reconsider this idea. You see, to get married in church was in a way, raising a flag to the communist party and letting them know in no uncertain terms where they stood. This could prove very detrimental to them in their future and their jobs and to the kids they would one day have because now they would be marked as well and would not be allowed to attend College. The families of this couple begged them to reconsider if not for themselves than for the futures of their kids. They said, no, this is what we want, this is what we feel God wants and we have to trust Him for our future. So, they were married in October, in church and had no way of knowing that in the next month, the "walls of communism" would fall and with them all the arguments their families had had for them getting married in church.

It was an amazing experience to hear them talk about this miracle in their lives and in the lives of their kids, all (obviously) born after the fall of communism so they have no idea what they were spared from, except, like me, by hearing stories their parents had to tell. Meeting these people and being in Slovakia is what really made me understand what it was like for these people and what it must have felt like that day in November watching the wall come down in Berlin. (If they were lucky enough to have TV!)

Many of the details are working out and it looks as though I may just be able to go again this year. I hope so. I have come to love this country and these people and now that they are "free" from communism, I would love to be able to share in the destruction of other walls that will allow them to become "free" in Christ.

The Nightly Ordeal

2005-01-28T15:32:00.000-06:00

B4 has been waking up at night for nealy 3 years with leg pain. It started when he was about 2 and for 2 1/2 years it was most every night. We tried everything. The doctor told us it was "growing pains" although they hesitate to use those words since it's not a medical term. I was not happy. He said to give him some ibuprofen for it and we do, that's about all that works. We even took him to a specialist but they said there is nothing wrong with his legs. It seems like torture for him and it is very hard to watch for us. We rub his legs, sometimes stretch them out and he screams and cries. We have tried a hot water bottle, we tried having him wear his shoes to bed, the thinking on that was maybe then he wouldn't stretch out his legs and getting charlie horses (if that's what it was). I've tried paying close attention to what shoes he was wearing each day or how much activity he had or what he was eating, but none of that mattered. There was no rhyme or reason. Over the last few months it has tapered off for which we are grateful but when it does happen, it's just as severe. There are nights when I just give him the medicine before he goes to bed as preventative. I hate doing this, but I feel like he's just not getting the quality of sleep that he needs. I asked about sleep disorders, but the doctor did not feel that this was the problem. "Just growing pains, some kids don't grow out of it until 2nd or 3rd grade." That's another 3 years!!

Last night, or actually, early this morning was the worst we've ever seen it. He was screaming and crying while his dad was rubbing his legs and stretching them out a little. The pain must have been more than he could take because he started hitting himself in the face and did this hard enough to give himself a bloody nose. I freaked out. I cannot take this anymore. There has to be something that can be done! My husband just found an article on the internet about a study done by Mayo clinic about "restless leg syndrome" that goes un or mis diagnosed in kids. The article says that waking up a few times a month or a year does not indicate a problem necessarily, but every night is chronic and anything that is chronic is a problem. I'm taking him back to the doctor and asking about this and if he still blows me off, I will have to figure out how to get a hold of a doctor who knows about this and is willing to look into it with us.

Something has to be done, the other night while praying with my parents, my dad asked him if he wanted Grampa to pray for his legs and his reply was, "no, that's just the way my legs are." as if to say he's resigned himself to it and accepts that this is the way it is. Well, not for me. I can't accept this anymore.

Slovakia

2005-01-26T13:02:00.000-06:00

Last June I had the amazing experience of going across the ocean, landing in Vienna and traveling from there to Slovakia. In case you don't know where Slovakia is, don't worry, I didn't either. It was one of the Eastern Block countries of Eastern Europe and it borders Poland, the Czeck Republic, Hungary and Austria. It was a missions trip with my church and we ran a School of Nature camp while we were there. Yes, I left my husband and my 3 kids to do this and like I said, It was amazing. I completely fell in love with the country and the people and some of the food. The ice cream there is unbelievable, it's called zrmzlina and you pronounce it just like it looks. They don't use many vowels. It was actually my husband that got the ball rolling. He told me I should go to the informational meeting and that he would take those 2 weeks off as his vacation to stay home with the kids. (Yeah, he's the greatest).

The time has come to start planning for this year. I so want to go again, yet, I'm not sure if it will work out. My hubby and I talked about it this morning. He said if I could figure out something for the kids so this year he wouldn't have to take off work than I could go. I am trying very hard not to become giddy. I have to think about this and pray and figure out if this is what God has for me this year. I don't want to force it, but I do want to work on it, to see how it plays out. I am well aware that my job this year may just be helping with the planning and preparation. That I will do gladly, with just a twinge of sorrow in my heart as we send this year's team on their way.

I was one of the team leaders last year and I have already been asked to lead a team this year. I'm so shocked that my husband is even considering it because he was pretty miserable without me for 2 weeks last year. I'll have to work on being exceptionally annoying the next few weeks, so he says, "Yes, go, I won't miss THIS" Just kidding. Like I said, I'm not going to MAKE it happen, just trying to remain open and willing to hear what God says about this.

More than you can handle?

2005-01-25T10:59:00.000-06:00

When I was in college, I met a family in my churh that became my family away from home. They had 3 kids at the time but would add 2 more in time. They were on the worship team, very fun family, had college kids over all the time and were amazing to me. "Bob" was the president of a company downtown and when I didn't have a job, he hired me. When I didn't have a place to live, he built a room in his basement to rent out to me. My to-be hubby and I would babysit their kids and then when we got married, their little guy of 2 was the ring bearer in our wedding. We would sit up for hours talking about everything. They have an amazing marriage and a very close knit family. Their kids tell them everything and they have very wild family vacations every year, usually managing to end up where ever the hurricane hits that year.

They had something extremely devastating happen to one of their daughters 2 weeks ago and it has shaken all of them. My heart hurts so deeply for her and for her sisters and for her parents. I talked to "Bob" last night on the phone and he said all he can do is help them take one day at a time, one step at a time and he said he has to trust that God's word is true and that they have not been given more than they can handle. So, he trusts in this and this helps them know that they will get through this. I feel so far away and helpless but I can pray. and I'm asking you to pray too, if you would.

Fill it up

2005-01-24T15:40:00.000-06:00

There's a commercial on TV, I don't know if you've seen it, but it sure would be nice if it was a reality. There's a guy, I think from Walgreens, and he goes around the house and refills everything that is about to become empty. Wouldn't that be something, just as someone finishes off the milk, another gallon appears in the fridge. The peanut butter is never all gone, the toothpaste doesn't run out and at the last of the crumbs of potato chips, boom, there's more!! Oh, yeah, that person is me. I'm just not as efficient as the guy on TV. It amazes me that even though I go to Target nearly every day, I have to go again tonight, because the milk is very nearly empty and it would be a crisis of unfathomable proportions if there was not milk for the morning cereal!!

Almost everyone in the house is sick. My mom has the (stomach) flu. She can't keep anything down, today is the 3rd day. My husband is coming down with a cold, my dad has a bad cold, B4 has a bad cold and cough and the baby is still coughing. I am in shock that I am still standing. I think we are just all passing it around to each other and it's driving me crazy with all the co-pays at the doctor and the cost of the antibiotics. Oh, well, all those trips to the pharmacy gives me the chance to pick up all the stuff I forgot the time before!

Low Balance

2005-01-20T13:03:00.000-06:00

Hot lunch is served at my son's school and I don't allow him to eat it except maybe once a month. I refuse to pay $30 a month for him to throw it in the garbage. I would rather pay for bread and peanut butter and have him throw that away. It's much cheaper. this decision of mine, has, however caused problems for other mothers. I was not aware of this until recently, though. It seems as though everyone who eats hot lunch ends up sitting together and everyone who brings lunch just goes in and sits together and starts eating. So, in order for his friends to be able to eat with him, they have insisted to their mothers that they bring cold lunch. I felt really bad about this when I found out because I'm sure it's much easier for some moms to just send the check every month than to have to get up and put together a lunch every morning. Oops.

I have put a few dollars in his account so that on occasion he can buy milk to go with his lunch, or get hot lunch if its, say, brunch for lunch. If the balance gets too low, the cashier will stamp his hand with a stamp that reads, "low balance". That's so when you see your kid that night you know it's time to send in more money. B7 came home with the "low balance" stamp the other day and this always concerns him even though I tell him not to worry about it because he is only occasionally buying milk. My sister saw his hand and thought it was so funny. "good thing they don't have that stamp at the bank!" she said, "you could never write a check anywhere, everyone would know you have a low balance." The she said, "I need a stamp of my own to carry around so I can stamp the hands of the clerks where I buy stuff with one that reads "I O U ".

I feel like I need a "low balance" stamp on my hand. I'm low on everything and not just groceries. My energy, happiness, get-up-and-go, patience, all low. There is so much going on right now and it is all pulling stuff out of me. Very draining and over whelming. I guess I need to go show my (heavenly) Father my low balance stamp.

Fun (or not) Squad

2005-01-19T09:25:00.000-06:00

So B7 has "fun Squad" for an hour after school on Tuesdays. It started yesterday and according to the paperwork, it offers a variety of activities the kids can choose from. There's art lessons, computer lab, cooking lessons, science experiments, playing in the gym... I think I've paid $25 for my son to play dodge ball for an hour a week for 7 weeks. I'm not sure he will do any of the other activities.

anyway, like I said, it started yesterday. There has been a lot of things going on in our lives these past few weeks and yesterday when he left for school, we did not have the "I will see you after fun squad" discussion. I knew about it, since I signed him up and all, and he knew about it because he's been counting down the days and because they will announce it in school.

So, at about 3:15 my cell phone rings and of course I can't get to it because my very sick baby has just finally fallen asleep in my lap and I did not want to jump up and run for it. I couldn't figure out who it could be, since most everyone will call the house first and then if they don't get me, call the cell phone. So after a few minutes, I asked B4 to bring me my purse and I checked the number and didn't recognize it. There was a message so I listened and I heard B7's voice say "I don't know, usually she waits for me" then, click.

I, of course, immediately freaked out. I called back the number and got nothing, only ringing and ringing. I called the school to make sure fun squad was still happening today, It was. So, I took my crying baby down to my recupperating mother and raced over to the school.

He wasn't waiting for me outside, he wasn't waiting for me inside, not in the office, not in the main gym where I was told he should be. I finally found him in the small gym. I motioned for him to come over to the door. "did you call me?" I asked. "yes" he said, " I wanted to remind you about fun squad"

Yep, that's my son. Crazy me for freaking out thinking that he was confused or needed me. Nope, he's got everything under control and thinks, I better call my mom, because I doubt she does.

The heart, the colds and the birthday

2005-01-17T15:17:00.000-06:00

My mom is home, safe and sound. Things are progressing as they should, or so we're told. She doesn't seem to have much energy, but she is supposed to take a short walk (down the hall) and do excersises daily. My poor kids, they can't understand why they can't go down and see Nanny whenever they want to. Now the baby is sick with some horrible sounding cough. We took her in on Saturday, but, alas, could not find anything worth prescribing antibiotic for. She's not getting much sleep, so, then, neither am I.

I would say "not much going on here" except that with the heart surgery recovery, one child with bronchitis, one with some other horrible cough, and temperatures that remind me of living in Northern Alberta, that wouldn't really be true. I guess it just feels all so mundane.

One cute story to tell about B4, next month he will become B5 and we were discussing his birthday party. He told us he wants to go to Chuck E Cheese for his birthday. I said, "well, if we do that, then it will just be family, no friends" meaning he could have a kids' party at home or a family party at C E C. He didn't quite catch on because his question was "then who will watch all the kids at our house when we go to Chuck E Cheese?!" Good question.

Amazing

2005-01-13T15:46:00.000-06:00

Yeah, so I've been up to the hospital at least 15 times in the last 10 days. I can't even begin to figure out how much that is in parking. I think we've spent well over $40.00 just on coffee, cafeteria food and sodas. Do you have any idea how hard it is to remember which ramp you've parked on when you've parked over 15 times in a 10 day span? Last night, for the life of me, I could not find my car. Plus, I drive a couple different cars, depending on what's available, so I can never remember which car I'm looking for. I can't wait for this to be over. My mom didn't come home today, so that means tomorrow. It will be nice to have her back under the same roof as me, where I don't have to pay to park, or to eat!! But, I do want her to be well, so, the money really isn't an issue.

In other news, B7 has bronchitis. That caught me by surprise. If he gets a cold and it turns into a cough, he can't shake it unless he is given meds. We have an inhaler for this very reason for him. A few days ago he started coughing and so I told him to start taking his inhaler. Well, on Monday, when I picked him up from school he told me he couldn't handle the coughing any more. He slept okay that night buth when he woke up the coughing was unbelievable so I took him to the doctor, and sure enough, bronchitis. I feel kind of bad because I feel like I wasn't paying close enough attention and should have caught it sooner. So, now he's on an antibiotic, his inhaler and a steriod.

B4 has started basketball. It's just a class designed to go over some of the skills needed to play. I think he was a bit disappointed after the first class because they didn't actually play basketball against anyone. It's mostly fun for him, but I worry about him, too, because certain things will happen and he will shut down. There is something about the game, "what time is it Mr. Fox" that freaks him out and when it's announced that they are going to play it, he starts to cry and puts his head in his arms and won't come out of it. But when asked, he says basketball "is amazing".

What's amazing to me is that life marches on even while all your thoughts and most of your time is up at the hospital. The kids still need to eat, they wear and dirty clothes, homework has to be done. All with no regard for the fact that I am completely distracted by the health of my mother.

The bypass shuffle

2005-01-10T22:29:00.000-06:00

My mom is recovering very well from her surgery. a great big thanks to all of you who prayed for her and for us! The surgery only lasted 2 hours and they are very pleased with her progress so far. We could only see her today for 10 minutes on the half hour. It's kind of a wierd feeling to wait around and then quickly go in to see her and then back to the family lounge to wait again. She has managed to maintain her sense of humor though. After about 7 hours they said it was time for her to move to the chair in her room. This seemed impossible to me because she could barely keep her eyes open, but they seem to know what they are doing. So, we left for the transfer and we came back in, sure enough, she was in the chair. Although it sure seemed very similar to her being in the bed. Anyway, she said they told her to dangle her feet over the side of the bed and then get up to walk to the chair. I was amazed, "you walked over her" I said. "Well, they didn't carry me. I'd call it the bypass shuffle!" Yep, that's my mom. back to her old charms.

Bittersweet

2005-01-09T18:19:00.000-06:00

We were on the elevator this afternoon on the way up to see my mom and my boys pass the time by announcing what floor it is and who should be getting off on each one. We go to the 6th floor, so every one was off but us and a nurse. She asked who we were seeing and B4 said,

"We're visiting my Nanny, because she has a broken heart."

The nurse was so kind and replied "Well, we will fix her right up"

I wasn't sure how B4 was handling it. I was glad to hear him verbalizing some of it and in such a sweet way.

Believe Me Now

2005-01-08T14:43:00.000-06:00

I watch you looking out
Across the raging water
So sure your only hope
Lies on the other side
You hear the enemy
That's closing in around you
And I know
That you don't have the strength to fight
But do you
Have the faith to stand and

Believe Me now
Believe Me here
Remember all the times I've told you loud and clear
I am with you and I am for you
So believe Me now
Believe Me now

I am the One who waved my hand
And split the ocean
I am the One who spoke the words
And I raised the dead
And I've loved you long before
I set the world in motion
I know all the fears you're feeling now
But do you remember who I am?
Do you

Believe Me now
Believe it's true
I never have, I never will abandon you
And the God that I have always been
I will forever be
So believe Me now

I am the God who never wastes a single hurt
That you endure
My words are true
And all my promises are sure
So believe Me now
Oh, believe Me now

(words and music by Steven Curtis Chapman)

My mom has bypass surgery on Monday at 7:30 am. Please pray.

Faithfulness

2005-01-05T22:04:00.000-06:00

I got a call from my dad this morning, "don't worry about picking mom up from the hospital, I'll bring her home, I'm here now." When my dad got to work, they sent him to be with his wife, saying he didn't need to be at work and it was fine if he took another day off. Well, good thing, because during the stress test they found blockage on one side of mom's heart and scheduled an angiogram. So, I ended up back at the hospital anyway, so did my brother and my sister. We all sort of sat around waiting for when they could take her for the angiogram. She was not at all excited about the idea, but we convinced her that this would be fine and then she would be feeling a lot better. They were planning on putting in a stent once they knew what they were looking at.

Plans change, a lot, don't they? Not enough time had passed and we were paged that the doctor was coming out to talk to us. He said the blockage was in a bad spot and if he put in a stent it would compromise other arteries, so that leaves bypass surgery. We were all a bit shocked, since we were expecting her to come out better than when she went in, not worse. I realize this is standard procedure and many, many people have had this done, but none of them were my mom, and this time it is and I feel at times as though I cannot breathe and then I look over at my dad and he's standing there with tears streaming down his face and I know that now is not the time to come undone.

My dad just came home. He's not doing too great. He said it was really hard to leave her there. He said he's been through a lot of tough things, and he has, but not like this. He can't even complete a sentence because of the tears. It's so hard to see him like this and I want to say, "dad, you have been faithful to God every day of tons of years, and He has been faithful to you, He's not going to stop now." But I don't know what the future holds. Not that I don't think God will be faithful to my dad, I just don't know what that will look like.

Not Ready

2005-01-04T15:40:00.000-06:00

So, this morning, I was getting ready to take my son to pre school, when my mom calls me from her room, "Bethie, are you there?" Now, I know there's something wrong when she calls me Bethie. I went into her room to find her crying. She said was having some pretty bad chest pain. and could I check on her throughout the day. No, mom, you call the nurse right now and find out what she thinks. "She'll just tell me to go to the hospital" I said, "Call her." She made the call and it means having to wait for a nurse to call you back. I left to take my son and when I got home the nurse had not called back. So I got on the phone and found out that my mom had not specified CHEST pain when she called, when I specified that I got put right through to a nurse. "Take her to the hospital, can't fool around with chest pain" So, I said "come on mom, we're going". I called my dad to let him know what was happening, my hubby said he would come too and we went down there.

They took her right in and left me to register her. My dad showed up, with tears in his eyes, I called my brother, "I'll be right there" and all the tests began. Well, now, after hours of waiting, and my sister calling to find out why I hadn't called her, my mom was admitted to the hospital overnight for more testing and observation. They want to draw her blood every 6 hours. The good news is that all the tests so far have come back negative and they can't really seem to find out what the problem is, but they are very intent on first ruling out the heart. I had a friend pick up my son from pre school while we waited and once we knew she was staying overnight, my hubby and I left so I could take the baby to the doctor (checking for ear infection) before picking up B7 from school.

I talked to her a few minutes ago and she had just had morphine, so she sounded pretty good. I am going to take B4 to his basketball camp and then we are going to go up to the hospital so the boys can see her and say goodnight.

I have barely been able to hold it together through all of this. I called a close friend and she prayed for me. and there's really not anything major wrong with her. I have a nervous energy and I feel like if I stopped and let myself cry, I wouldn't stop. What's going to happen to me when the time comes, (years from now, hopefully), when we are doing this for real? I watched my parents go through this with their parents, and my in-laws with theirs. I don't think I can do it, and I know I'm not ready.

MOA

2005-01-02T19:31:00.000-06:00

So we decided to do a little reverse shopping down at Mall of America today. I had received LOTS of clothes for Christmas from the Chicagoland relatives, none of which are really me, so off we went. After all, all the stores are in one place. I think I went in to 4 different stores, had to stand in 4 lines, had to explain 4 times why I was returning them and argue 4 times for the sales tax to be returned too. IL pays 8% sales tax and I wanted that back too. You would think that since these stores are nationwide, their computer system would allow for such things, especially at the Mall of America where there are people from everywhere coming in there. Anyway, 3 of the 4 stores had to figure it out on a calculator. Only the Gap could do it right from the computer. Unbelievable. My mother-in-law is a great person and can usually pick out gifts for me with no problem but this year she bought me clothes in the trendy, teenie-bopper stores so now I have credit in these stores, but I'm not exactly sure what I will get there. My body is 3 pregnancies later and doesn't seem to fit into those clothes the way it should. Oh well, maybe I can find some socks or something. I did find a cute sweater at the Gap, but by then my children (and Hubby) were about to come unglued and the line was so long I decided to put it back and try again some other day.

On another note, I made some shrimp toast appetizers yesterday, like you can get at Leeann Chin. Oh, they were so good!! But way too hard to make. Hot oil everywhere, shrimp falling off into the hot oil, my Hubby standing by with a fire extinguisher. It's kind of hard to cook under those circumstances. I made more than we could eat, so tonight when my brother and his wife were here I reheated them and served them to them. My brother REALLY liked them. I thought they were better yesterday, but he didn't have them yesterday, so what does he know? In a way that bothers me more than it should I really like that I was able to impress my brother. I have issues with my brother. more on that later.

Off to get the kids ready for bed, school starts up again tomorrow. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. B4 has an ear infection. We spent New Year's Eve evening in urgent care so we could get medicine for him if he needed it. Which he did, but then finding a pharmacy open was not easy. We ended up at a Walgreens and it took nearly an hour to get it filled. I was not happy. Neither was B4, he was in a lot of pain. Oh well, much better now. Antibiotics, what a great thing.

May Old Aquaintance Be Forgot

2005-01-01T09:53:00.000-06:00

This Christmas season, I received lots of Christmas cards from friends here and other parts of the world. This is amazing to me, because, it was not long ago that I did not have any friends here in MN. We moved from Chicago in 1996 and it wouldn't be until about 6 years later when my son started school did I start to make some friends. It was a very lonely time up until that point. I even went through my miscarriage alone. I am so thankful for the friends I have now. They are a strong source of support for me now. How did I do it all those years without them? Plus, now I have all of you blogging friends. Then, this year,something unexpected happened. I received Christmas cards from 2 different friends that I had long since lost touch with!! One of them was actually a couple that I went to Bible School with. I was really good friends with them. I was in their wedding, every time we went to visit in Chicago, we got together with them, when we were there for my brother-in-law's wedding, they came and took care of my newborn for me, I helped plan her bridal shower from a distance and then drove out there for it. And then they moved to a different part of IL and that was it. Never heard from them again. I had no idea what happened, it was strange. I received a Christmas card from them and it in was a note attached announcing their first child would be born in July. I'm wondering if they felt disconnected from us because we had kids and they didn't and now that they are having kids, they want to get back in touch. I don't know this for sure, but it was sure good to hear from them again.

The other friend I heard from was a friend I made in high school. I moved to MN from Canada the summer before starting my junior year. At the time, I did not even know what junior, sophomore, freshmen, even meant. That's just what someone told me. We had lived in Canada for the past 10 years, but we stayed citizens of the US, so I thought it would feel like coming home. I had dreamed of the possibility of graduationg from an American High School, that dream came true, but it wasn't like I had imagined it would be. I was very lonely the first few months of the year. Most of the kids I was going to school with now had been going to school together since Kindergarten and didn't really need any new friends. Then, finally, one day in October I met "Cindy". She was a Christian too, and we almost instantly became inseparable. She was a year behind me, so I graduated before her. I had decided to stay in MN and take a business college course before heading out to IL to start Bible School, so we had three years together. Then I moved to IL and ended up living there for 8 years. Through all that time we stayed very close and kept in touch. When my hubby and I moved back to MN we ended up living in her and her family's basement. That's when the friendship started to fall apart. We lived there for 9 months and I was expecting my first child in 6 weeks and I was a wreck because of the situation we were in. We ended up making a very sudden decision to move into an apartment, 6 weeks later B7 was born, she came to see me, brought her kids, a gift for the baby and told me their house had sold and they were moving to OK. I was blown away that all this was in the works and we did not know anything about it. They moved and I did not hear from her again. Until this Christmas. What a shock that was. For many years after they first moved I kept sending her a birthday card but after never hearing back for so many years I eventually gave up. I'm not sure what inspired her to write to me this year, but it sure was great to see pictures of all the kids and see how much they had grown and hear how things are going for them.

So, I will forget that they are an old aquaintance and enjoy having hearing from them and hope that this year we can become friends again.

Everything I needed to know, I learned from a Blog

2004-12-30T16:22:00.000-06:00

I have been reflecting on the past year, what with a new one around the corner and all. and although I only started my blog sometime in July, I feel as if I have learned so much from the new and exciting world of blogdom. I have "met" people all over the world and have found that we all are the same in so many ways. It's crazy, in a way, to be so connected to people I have never met and would never recognize if I passed them at Mall Of America. But, I feel as though I am..connected. Each morning I have to go and find out how everyone is. Rand and Twinklemoose had their new baby, Joe and Jane let us know about thier newest coming addition, and that they are all fine somewhere in Asia. I have a strong support in Virginia, who, when I met her was Ruby and then came clean and now I have to remind myself that she's actually Donna. She has taught me so much about being real and loving Jesus and what that looks like, daily. I have a friend in the Pacific Northwest that I can relate to on lots of levels, living in a pastor's home, (she's married to one, my dad was one,) being a mother and wondering if you will ever have time to do all that needs to be done, living in my birth state and consider it to be "home" even though it's been 3 decades since I lived there and I love to hear about it every day. There's a drama teacher that I live vicariously through, because I love drama, and I wish I had thought to become a drama teacher. Since I lived in Canada for so many years I can almost picture Mrs. Diamond when she talks about all things Canadian and what an amazing mother she is. and MaryKay has offered so many great pieces of parenting advice, I'm considering having her on retainer.

Then there are other blogs I follow at times, there's the story of a woman, somewhere, who desperately wants a baby and can't so now she has turned to a surrogate and so far so good, but you never know. I read about a woman and her preemie and all they went through in the NICU and I cried for a woman, who in the midst of what seemed to be finally a successful pregnancy lost both boys she was carrying. These are amazing women, who I admire for their passion and their courage and it makes me so thankful for the kids I have and I realize I have never really stopped to think what it might be like for some who have trouble conceiving, or carrying a baby to term. and they share their stories with the world.

So, to all of you in my blog world, thank you. I hope and pray all the best for you in the new year and can't wait for the all the stories to be told in 2005!

This and That

2004-12-28T23:19:00.000-06:00

Since I have not posted in a while, I find myself with a few things to say, all unrelated.

First, on hearing about the disaster in Indonesia and other parts of Asia, I was worried about Joe Missionary and so upon returning home after the weekend of Christmas at the in-laws, I was able to read on his blog that all is well in their part of the world. Also, I was worried about our sponsored child through Compassion that lives in Indonesia. I called Compassion today to find out if they had heard anything yet and I was told that all of their project sites are in locations that were not hit. I was so relieved to know this.

Second, as a child, we always had butter in the house. My dad loves butter and he loves it soft, so it stayed out of the fridge in some fancy butter dish in the cupboard. (I know what you're thinking, but we used a lot of butter and there just wasn't time for it to go bad). Well, my in-laws are really great people and try to accomodate each of us on our visits there. We were there for Christmas and so she bought butter for me. They all eat the "I can't believe it's not butter" (I can) So, not only does she want to make sure there is butter for me, but she wants it soft for me as well. Even though you can tell this is a very tough thing for them to do, they put it on a butter dish and that's sort of where it falls apart. They are unsure of what to do with is. You see, this butter dish does not have a lid and it's just a bit weird to put butter in the cupboard, let alone, uncovered butter. So, the first night it was wrapped in tinfoil and put in the cupboard with the plates. The second night the tinfoil was traded for that new fangled plastic wrap that sticks. Believe it or not, that was just the background to my story. My husband's uncle and his wife were there also for dinner on Christmas and she and I were putting the meal together. She reached into the cupboard to pull out plates and almost put her hand through the softened butter. So she looks at me and says, "what's this?" "butter" I say. Okay, she knows this family, this is not usual, so she has a question in her eyes but is unsure how to ask it. "It's for me" I say. She is still unable to form a question. "My mother-in-law really likes me and she knows I like butter and she knows I like it soft" I say. "okay...?" she says. "what can I say, I'm special" was my reply and then we had to move on because the potatoes had to come out of the oven and the roast needed to be cut and the green beans strained, and, she still had not pulled the plates out of the cupboard. We moved on, but I could see by the look in her eye that she thought I was nuts. Oh well, what can I say, I like my butter soft.

Third, I discovered that there's a sure fire way of knowing if a family on your street is "Christian" or not. It's whether or not they have Christmas lights up on their house. That's according to my husband's grandmother, anyway. I hope it's not true, since we don't have any lights on the outside of our house. Isn't it funny how some people think, though?

And finally, I have discovered and am pleased to report that I am in fact, SuperMom. There are 4 adults that live in this house and I am the only one that can drag the garbage and recycling to the end of the street. I am also the only one that can cut an apple into 8 slices as requested by B4, even if he has to come in to the bathroom while I am in the shower to request it. I am also the only one that can make chocolate milk and peanut butter and jam sandwiches and I am also the only one who knows to look UNDER the pile of hats, mitts, and gloves on the floor for the mitts you are looking for that you were just wearing yesterday. It's amazing, really. I did not realize before the super powers that I possess. It's nice to know.

Happy Birthday, Baby Jesus!

2004-12-20T15:54:00.000-06:00

"Well, everybody has a birthday, and a cake and a party too, and all your friends come over and sing Happy Birthday to you.
When Jesus has a birthday the whole wide world is there and we can all remember the gift the Father gave
so we sing, la la la Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Baby Jesus. Even when your birthday's through. All year long we'll remember, each precious gift we get from you."

These are some of the words to a song we used to sing when we were kids. I can't remember it all now. But I love Christmas and it has nothing to do with the gifts under the tree. I think it is an amazing time where everything sort of slows down (okay, not out in the retail world) and you can reflect on that first Christmas and you can wonder at the amazement of the shepherds and you can once again realize that Christ became flesh and dwelt among us. I think it is an amazing time for my kids to understand more fully what Christmas means to us as Christians. We talk a lot about how we celebrate their birthdays and so we also celebrate the birthday of the Savior. No, Santa doesn't come to our house. I personally have 2 reasons for not lying to my children about Santa. One is because I don't want them to ever wonder if I am also lying to them about Jesus and two, because, we wouldn't want to share our birthday celebration with someone else, why would we share the Christ's birthday with someone else.

Yes, I know December 25th is not actually the day Jesus was born but it is the day we celebrate it. I love the Christmas lights and the Christmas music and I enjoy honoring my friends' by acknowleding their birthdays and so even more so the celebration of the Savior of the world.

We had an amazing time in church yesterday, where we reflected on what we have to offer to Jesus. We each were given a scrap of "swalding" cloth and asked to come lay it in the manger and tell God what we were giving His son for Christmas. Some gave certain attitudes, or fears, or dreams, some gave their hearts. I gave my kids back to Him, again. I know they're not mine but sometimes I hold on too tightly and I realized while sitting in church yesterday morning that I was holding on too tightly and trying to "make" things happen a certain way with them or be a certain way or accomplish certain things. So, I gave Him my kids and asked for help to be a better parent and the one He wants me to be. and my 7 year old son was with us in the service and he came up with us and laid his cloth in the manger, too. I don't know what he was thinking but I know it was moving for him.

So, Merry Christmas to each of you. May you know the love of the Father and may you wonder at the miracle of His Son's birth. Happy Birthday, Jesus. I hope you get what You've always wanted this year, from me, at least.

Kids and Christmas

2004-12-13T19:02:00.000-06:00

We just finished putting up the Christmas tree, (yes, I am well aware of the date!). I'm really not the greatest light stringer, but I did it and then the kids helped hang the ornaments. I gotta say, my son, B7 has WAY more patience than I do. It was amazing to watch him as he lovingly helped his little sister pick out just the right ornament to hang up and then pick out just the right tree branch to hang it on and then step back and admire it or decide if should be moved. time after time after time he did this. I thought I would lose my mind just thinking about trying to hang the ornaments with the "help" of a 21 month old, but it turned out to be quite simple, only because of the long lasting patience of my 7 year old. He's such a great kid.

B4 was fun to watch too. I have a collection of gold dipped (?) ornaments that are quite exquisite and each time he would take one out he would say, "Look, Mom, how pretty this is." or, "Don't you think this is the prettiest one?" Yeah, that's my 4 year old, with a taste for the finer things in life. (He's also the one that picked out the crystal glass for the bathroom to use as a mouth-rinsing cup after brushing his teeth.)

And now, that it's all done, my little Diva will look at the ornaments and find the one of the baby Jesus in the manger and start to sing a song, "ba ba ba baby, baby" or something like that. It's very melodic and the tune doesn't change. I just have no idea what song she is singing.

It was great to experience each one and the way they went about helping with the tree this year. A moment of peace during what I had anticipated to be a time of stress.

Fear Not

2004-12-13T16:06:00.000-06:00

Every year at Christmas time I wonder what it will be about this year that will make it special for me. Sometimes I feel as though I've heard it all, seen it all, experienced it all. I love to celebrate the birth of Jesus. I think it is an amazing time and very special. But I always want to "feel" it.

I did. Yesterday morning, while sitting in church. Our pastor can preach the most amazing sermons. Yesterday he spoke on how every time an angel was sent to give a message to someone on earth they had to say "Fear not' because it was very scary to come face to face with the angel of the Lord (and usually their faces were down in the dirt). But Jesus wanted us to really know that He loved us. We all know John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave..." That's how much He loved us. Those of us who are parents cannot fathom giving our child up that way and we understand, at least in part, the extent of His love for us.

But I never thought about it the way it was presented to us yesterday. If Christ wanted to, He could have just made us love Him. Right? He's God after all. But He wanted us to want to love Him. and so He wanted to come to earth and "dwell among us". "What could be less scary than a new born baby" There was no reason for anyone in Jesus' life to run around before Him saying "Fear not" because He became human. He gave up the crown and the royal robes and approached us in the vulnerable state of a baby and of a human. In fact, He was so human, those in His hometown could not believe He was the Messiah. There was nothing about Him that made Him stand out. And then He started doing miracles. But wouldn't it have made sense to do more miracles? To heal everyone He came in contact with? Don't you think more people would have believed if Jesus had done more, overwhelmed us with His Godness? Even today, couldn't He do more to prove to us who He is? Yes, He could, but then we would be compelled to worship one so mighty and magnificent and His power would be so overwhelming we would not be able to refuse. And God wants us to want to love Him.

So He sent His son, to be born in a manger, to live a life that was normal as a child and young man, to show us how to love each other, and to lay His life on line to pay the penalty for our sin. He had to leave His royal throne and come dressed as a human, to show us His love for us.

Meal time at its best

2004-12-10T09:48:00.000-06:00

Food Network is taking applications from people who want to start their own cooking show. I enjoy the Food Network. I like to see how recipes unfold and all the ways you can use thyme. And all the ideas you can find on how to make a meal in 30 minutes has its place. But do we really need another cooking show. Think of how easy it would be to make dinner if all your ingredients were sitting out in front of you in brightly colored bowls, prepared by someone else? What we need is a cooking show that teaches us how to cook, at the last minute, with next to nothing in the cupboard. Take me, for instance, the other night. I should have had a camera on while I was fixing dinner, I could have submitted it. I decided on bacon and eggs, because that's what we had. So, while making scrambled eggs, putting toast in the toaster, frying bacon, frying eggs, I was also, correcting homework, wiping up spilled juice, referring some dispute over a lego piece, answering the phone, consoling a crying little Diva and keeping markers out of her hands. I mean, really, if you can make a healthy meal in that environment, don't you think that would be beneficial to other families out there?
Although, part of the enjoyment of watching TV is leaving your own situation. Who would want to watch that if it was all happening around them. Reality cooking. I'm not sure we're ready for that.

Ah, Christmas time!

2004-12-07T15:25:00.000-06:00

So, my parents live with us and recently I have found myself resorting back to practices from my childhood. We had to have a new water heater installed today (Merry Christmas to us) and in order to do that the guy has to go through my parents' room. Well, after my folks were both gone to work for the day, my hubby and I had to move their bed in order to make more room and lo and behold, there are all our Christmas presents. Instantly, I was back in time, remembering the days around Christmas, just waiting for my parents to go out to attend some sort of a meeting and then go looking for the gifts. Of course, they were wrapped then, and they were today, so really, you have no idea what's in there and my guess is that most of the gifts are for my kids anyway, so what fun is that? But it was fun to have that memory and and since now we have spent all the Christmas money on the new water heater, it's comforting to know that my kids will have gifts under the tree after all!!

Kids, you gotta love 'em

2004-12-06T17:21:00.000-06:00

You know the worst thing about kids? they want to eat, like more than once EVERY single day!! I mean, really. For some reason, planning dinner menus is just not my thing. I hate trying to think of what to make EVERY single day of my life. and then when I figure it out and go do it, I feel such a relief! but, then I just have to do it again the next day, and the next day and the day after that. You wouldn't think that after nearly 10 years of marriage and 7.5 years of having at least one child, the need for food on a daily basis would come as some sort of a surprise to me. But it always seems to sneak up on me.
Oh, well, I gotta go, I have to figure out what to fix for the kids' supper.

Down in the Valley, Valley so low

2004-12-01T08:00:00.000-06:00

On this journey called life, I have spent a large portion of it down in the valley. Especially recently. Come on, I'll show you around. See, it's really not that bad down here, yes, it's a little chilly, what with no sun shining down here or anything. But the little brook that runs through the valley is very pretty and makes a nice noise. See, the kids have all their toys spread around, and those dishes over there? that's where we usually eat. I also do a lot of laundry here. Even down in the valley we have had some good times. and if you look up, you can see the sun shining, so it's still there and you can rest in the knowledge that the sun is still there, even if you can't feel it on your face. And at night, if you look up, the stars are there as a testiment to the fact that there is something else besides this valley.
So, even though it is dark and cold, I have become acustomed to this valley. and now, I feel as though God is leading us up the mountain side, towards where the sun is actually shining. It looks to me as though this path could be rough and will take a lot of energy. In fact, right off to the side is a huge archway with a sign that reads "Elevators". I'm thinking that this could take us up a whole lot faster and easier, what with all our belongings and stuff. But I have a feeling that this would be the "easy way, or the broad way" and that steep slope over there is the narrow way.
So, here we go. Towards the sun shine and the warm summer breeze. I can feel it, even though we are not quite there yet and while I am a bit anxious at what I will find once we crest the mountain, I am beginning to feel something that I haven't felt in a very long time. It feels a little like, Hope.

my kids and their beds

2004-11-22T08:11:00.000-06:00

So, after a series of unrelated events, I found myself at my neighbor's house locked out of my dad's car. We only had the one key. They are on vacation. I was unsure how I was going to get back in the car. There used to be another spare key, but it had disappeared a long time ago. I had just dropped my boys off to play and my friend said she would run me home to pick up the other key, "except" I said, "I don't know where it is". This is when B7 perks up, "I know where it is. you mean the one with the miniature tupperware bowl on it" (it's a key ring, thingy) Yep that was the one. "It's up on my bed."
What! Yeah, that's my son. He keeps a wide variety of things up on his top bunk. You just never know what you might find there and in this instance it came in real handy. So, my friend drove me home and I ran inside, grabbed the key ring off his top bunk and went back and unlocked the car door. Having a wierd kid really paid offf!!

At this same time, my hubby was taking the crib apart and converting it into a day bed. We have high hopes that our little bed snob would be thrilled with this big girl bed and actually sleep in there. She seemed to really love it. She went and got my pillow (yes, with the expensive sheets) and climbed up there and I gave her a blanket that she pulled up over her. She had a sippy cup of juice and a few teddy bears and she laid down and pretended to snore. We were hesitantly very excited. She wouldn't go near it after that. When asked if that was her new room and her new bed, she would start to cry and say "no!".
Yes, she slept in my bed last night. I'm hoping after a few years of napping in her new bed, she might feel comfortable enough to actually sleep there at night. But, maybe not.

Sunshine in my Heart

2004-11-19T19:09:00.000-06:00

Yes, once again, B4 has shown me why I call him my sunshine. Lately, he's been more of a dreary kind of day. I'm not sure why, the age, getting used to goint to school, just the need to add stress to my life like B7 does, the fact that there were no waffles or Crispy Rice in the house for mornings on end!! (3). Anyway, the ray of sunshine came out yesterday. The little Diva of nearly 20 months was sitting in her high chair eating lunch. She has found that if she braces her feet against the leg of the table, she can rock her chair backwards. (I know what you're thinking "move the chair back!") B4 was sitting at the table with her and was trying to convince her not to do this because she could fall on her head and it would hurt.
Once B4 gets talking, at times, there is no stopping him. This is what I heard:
"IF you fall, it will hurt. You might not know that for sure, but I do. I know for sure that if you fell on your head, it would hurt. And what else I know for sure is that I love you. and what else I know for sure is that you love me, little Diva. I know for sure that you love me and what I know for sure is that I love you. and I don't want you to hurt yourself, because (as previously stated) I know for sure that it would hurt. and I'm telling you this because I love you, and I know that for sure and I know for sure that you love me. (most of this in a sugary, high pitched sort of voice)
She just sat there, munching away on her sandwich, gently rocking her chair back and forth while B4 went on and on about all that he knew for sure about the love between the 2 of them.
After a week of B4 and B7 nearly killing each other on an hourly basis and me beginning to wonder if there was any sibbling love in this house, it really warmed my heart to see my little ray of sunshine, alive, well, and so in love with his little sister!!

What?

2004-11-18T19:01:00.000-06:00

Does anybody know what a Coton de Tulear puppy is? and if $3000.00 would be a good price for one? Not that I'm shopping for a dog, but wow, $3000.00 for a dog? Now I'm very curious about that dog. Someone is selling "champion European bloodlines" in our local paper. Never heard of them and can't imagine paying that much for a pet!!

Bed Snob

2004-11-18T11:15:00.000-06:00

I have taken all 3 of my babies to bed with me, because, well, I was always too tired to stay up, nurse, and put them back to bed, only to do it again in 20 minutes. My boys both made the transition from my bed to their bed quite easily and by 12- 15 months they were sleeping happily through the night in their own bed in a room they share. (I know some of you are thinking 12 MONTHS!! is she crazy?)
My daughter, on the other hand refuses to make this transition. Soon, she will be 20 months and she will not sleep anywhere but in our bed. I think she's a bed snob. Our mattress is by far, way more comfy than that crib mattress and our sheets are way more soft and snuggly than her sheets. So, it's a problem. Plus, she can"t/won't (?) sleep unless she is holding my pinky finger. I have tried to substitute a doll finger, but she knows the difference between warm flesh and cold plastic, even, in a deep sleep!
So, the other day, I cleared a spot on my bedroom floor and brought her crib mattress in and made up a bed for her. The boys love it, I can't get them out of my room; they jump, slide, wrestle and all sorts of fun things. She'l sleep in it for a few hours, until, somehow she realizes that she is not holding my pinky and starts crying "mom!". She has also started crying and whimpering in her sleep and sometimes talking. It's a bit disturbing so it makes it even harder to kick her out of my bed. But I'm trying. Maybe I should sleep on the floor and let her have the comfy bed and expensive sheets!! I'm not a bed snob, I just want to sleep!!

My Poor Toes

2004-11-15T10:42:00.000-06:00

One of the reasons I really like our church is because the pastor really preaches great sermons and often they are a bit uncmfortable and I feel as though I've gotten my toes stepped on. And I think this is a good thing, it means I can grow, if I take it to heart. Well, yesterday, I got my feet stomped all over. He was preaching directly at me, but never once did he look my way. Recently, he's been doing a series on David and passivity and yesterday he talked about the things that might cause us to disengage from our life, our kids, our marriage, whatever. And, although we have disengaged, it may not look like it on the outside. He talked about 3 things that may cause us to disengage, but it was the first one that struck my heart. It is fatigue. that's me, all i ever am is tired. And he said that some stuff that might look like the opposite of passive, is actually a result of being passive. For example, blowing up at your kids. It may look like you are engaged and full of life but it could actually be passive because blowing up is easier than doing the hard work of parenting. ouch.
This last week I have felt extremely detached from my life because of the disappointment of not being able to stay in school. but on top of that, I have just always been so tired. I have not slept through the night for over 7 years and that takes a toll on a body. He said that we may need to rest. And while resting, napping, sleeping, may look passive, it's not. You have to intentionally plan so you can get the rest you need, so that you can engage in your life.
Yep, it's a lot to think about. How did he know I needed to hear that, even though I didn't really want to?

A moment of your time, if you please

2004-11-11T17:12:00.000-06:00

I am asking all of you that stop by here to please, if you would, answer the following survey:

1. Have you ever had a problem with your home computer? If yes, what was it?

2. Have you ever called a service person to come in to your home to repair it?

3. Have you ever taken your computer out to a store for repair?

4. Have you ever called a support line of a company (eg Microsoft), for help?

5. If you answered yes to #2, 3 or 4, what was the experience like?

Thank you for your help in my informal non-scientific survey.

On the more positive side

2004-11-10T08:30:00.000-06:00

-my kids are (mostly) healthy
-at least i have an indoor toilet to clean
-wow, look at all the clothes we have! (too bad they're not clean)
-I didn't have to walk home after the school function last night
-friends who care
-evidence of 3 kids, a husband and 2 parents all over my house
-my husband's safe trip home last night
-B7 can sleep at night now, since we switched his math class
-there's still diet Coke with lime in the fridge
-Friday is payday
-my future is STILL in God's hands
-Blue's Clues entertains my baby, at least for a few minutes

It's Over (at least for now)

2004-11-09T13:10:00.000-06:00

So, I got my answer today. NO. They will not accept my degree beause they must maintain the integrity of their education. i can't really tell you how devastating this news was for me. I'm not sure why I thought I would be accepted, but, obviously, I was wrong. I have decided to drop out because that way i will not have to pay. i don't wnt to end up having to pay back a loan for 8 credits that may or may not be used, at least, for a few years.
so, now what? I don't know. But, what I do know is that my heart hurts. I went to Slovakia this summer on a missions trip and i fell in love with the people and the country. Our church is in partnership with a English Immersion school there and they are always looking for qualified (licensed and experienced) teachers. My secret dream way down in the bottom of my heart that some time in the future, when the timing was right, we would move to Slovakia and I could teach. It feels as though that dream has been ripped out of my heart.
I don't know why this happened. I don't know what God has for me and my future, I guess I will have to wait and see.

Everything but

2004-11-07T18:35:00.000-06:00

I have not posted for a very long time. There is so much homework I have to do, that I cannot spend that much time on the computer and if I do, I feel very guilty. Although, I have managed to do other stuff, like clean out sock drawers, (which I NEVER do), cook big meals, (for MYSELF!) I just got done eating a big skillet of hashbrowns, bacon, onion, cheese and eggs. It was so good and usually I won't cook for myself, but tonight, since I really need to "hit the books" so to speak, I cooked it up.

But I decided I needed to blog a bit, and then get back to work. So, here's what's been happening...

I still have not heard from the Dean at the school as to whether or not by BA will be accepted. I did, however, go and meet with my advisor because I wanted to know what classes I should register for next, in the event that I will be registering. Well, when I got there, she wanted to know why I wasn't in the Masters Program. She said I could take the same classes, (at graduate level) and get my license while also getting my Masters. I said i didn't know why, that nobody had mentioned that to me and that I didn't realize it was an option. I'm not sure why that matters now, anyway, because it seems a little lofty to be considering a Masters when I don't even know if my BA will be accepted. But if it is, I'm not sure I will do it. I can't decide.

We have officially pulled B7 out of the math class he was in. Last Thursday morning was the last straw when, after arriving at school, he started hyperventalating because all of a sudden he was unsure if he had done the right homework. My hubby said, no problem, let's go check with your teacher. B7 started freaking out even more, saying, no, he's not allowed to ask, he'll get in trouble. So, that's that. She has, in her words, "not yelled, but raised her voice" at my son for the last time, written "careless" on his tests when he scores 37/39 for the last time and caused him to lose sleep at night and start to feel as if he is no good at math. Yes, it was a tough decision, he's not exactly thrilled, because all his friends are in that class, but I think once he realizes how much stress free the other class is, he will be fine. That, and his dad bought him the Incredibles XBOX game, so he's doing fine.

There is talk of going to my in-laws for Christmas this year. This is something we have never done before. We have gone for New year's or Thanksgiving, and in the summer. So, that may be a bit different, plus, I'm a bit embarressed to go back after the last time we were there and I "lost it" in front of the whole family. Not a pretty picture.

My baby girl has now figured out how to climb up on the kitchen stools, so now, the counter is not a safe haven for anything. Plus, now she has decided to drag the stool around the kitchen and climb up to where ever she pleases, yes, this means the stove. No, she hasn't done it while the stove was hot. Yes, the stools are gone. At least for now.

All the leaves have fallen from the oak trees in our back yard and there are millions of leaves needing to be bagged up. Generally speaking, this in not something I enjoy or even engage in, but it seems a bit appealing now, what with all the homework and all.

For my geopgraphy class, one of my assignments was to do a walking tour of our city. So, yesterday, we loaded up the kids and went touring. I felt like a tourist, but, really I had never actually seen a lot of the buildings and sights that were included in his very detailed walking tour. It was a lot of fun, but a lot of work, with all 3 kids. Now I have to write a paper for that, too!

So, that's it for now, sorry for not staying in touch over the last week. Hopefully, I will actually get this 10 page paper written and then I wil be able to breathe again!!

Dreams

2004-10-31T18:20:00.000-06:00

So, in my education class (that I'm still enrolled in under the radar) we've been talking about "unpacking our baggage" and understanding ourselves so we know how we will look at the classroom and the kids in the classroom, etc..
Also, I have been reading a lot in my geography class about Slovakia and the Czech republic, which of course, made me think of my trip there and it will be my husbby's birthday in a few days. So, I guess with all that in mind, this is what I dreamt about last night:

I was teaching school, a class filled with children and all of a sudden my parents showed up with 2 huge duffel bags all packed, singing "happy birthday" to me. At first, I thought they had packed me up to go back to Slovakia and were surprising me, and then I realized it was all my baggage, luggage, I had yet to unpack! about teaching school, I guess.

Interesting dream, huh?

The Final Days

2004-10-28T14:31:00.000-05:00

I live in Minnesota, which is typically a Democratic state, but more recently could go either way, so we are a swing state. This has caused a bombardment of advertising, signs on lawns, the president showing up, Kerry showing up, actors from Hollywood showing up all over our state to get the message out! I'm about done with the whole thing.

But I have a neighbor with a sign in his yard that I would like to share with you. It reads:

SUPPORT PARTIAL BIRTH ABORTIONS!! VOTE KERRY/EDWARDS!

Don't you just love free speech?

Appeal Request

2004-10-28T10:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I got the name of the Dean who would be able to allow my BA to be accepted and I emailed him a nice letter asking him to reconsider my situation, explaining how the school I attended does all the same things his school does and how the Department of Education recognizes both accreditting agencies equally and would he please take the time to look at this and allow me to continue my education with a full BA.

We'll see what happens. He emailed me back, saying he had received my request and would get back to me.

It's all in God's hands now. I have no idea what will happen or what the future holds for all this. I guess I will continue my studies, register for next trimester as if all is well and go from there. I just have to trust God on this one, I can't make anything happen. and if the answer is no, I will have to trust that God is in control of that as well.

So, please pray for all this, if you would. I know it's not death defying or anything, but I would appreciate it.

My only other alternative will be to stay home and sell magnets out of my living room!

That Time of Year

2004-10-27T08:08:00.000-05:00

Just a few more days until Halloween. I hate Halloween. I hate everything about it. We did not go trick or treating as kids, nor do my kids. But most of my friends do not understand this, even the Christians. This is what I hear:

"Oh, it's harmless, now."

"It's not bad anymore, it's so commercialized now."

"These are great memories your kids are missing out on. Halloween was my favorite holiday as a kid and I would never take that away from my kids."

"But the costumes are all so cute."

Blah, blah, blah....
I say, I have no intention of sending my kids around the neighborhood begging for candy and threatening to "trick" them if no candy is provided. This usually quiets them, at least for a minute because no one really thinks of trick or treating like that. Even though that's what it is!
Yes, it is commercialized but it is not safe and it does still have meaning. So I will not intentionally send my kids out into that. Even if it makes me look like a mean mom with a very unpopular opinion.

Now what?

2004-10-25T18:57:00.000-05:00

I just got some very disappointing news. I have been in school for 2 months now, and today they call me and say, oh, we made a mistake, we will not be able to recognize your BA.

I graduated form a very small christian school in Illinois over 10 years ago. They are accreditted bur apparently not with the accreditation agency/board or whatever it's called, that the school here will accept BA's from. I cannot tell you how disappointing this is to me. I have no idea what to do now. I could continue on with school there, but it will take me longer and I really don't like the idea of having to do the same work I already did. I could look into another school to see if they would accept my BA, but the chances are probably not very good. I can drop out now and get a full refund because it is the school's error. But I really like the school and I want to finish there.

I'm going to appeal and see what happens. I have to trust God and know that He is in this. I hope this doesn't mean that He doesn't want me to go to this school, or to become a teacher. I'm not sure what this all means, except that I have been putting a lot of effort into what could turn into nothing.

Please pray for me.

The voices

2004-10-22T08:45:00.000-05:00

This may not be a popular post, but I must say it.

I cannot wait until November 3rd. I've had enough of all this and I just want it to be over. I realize there are many important issues to think about when deciding who to vote for.

Jobs oversea. Yes, serious, but these are all people are adults and it's not that I want them to lose their jobs, I just think that as an adult, they can figure out how to go on.

Health care and prescription drugs. Again, a big issue and one I'm growing more concerned with because soon my parents will be affected by this. But again, this effects adults, peeople with voices and choices.

The war in Iraq. I am in no position to say if we should be there or not. But we are, with armed forces who willingly joined up. Now, I'm sure at the time, there was not much thinking that one day they would be fighting a war, but isn't that the reason behind the millitary. I'm sure the mothers and the wives, and all the families, have definite ideas about this. But, again, these are people with choices.

Education. Huge in the district we live in. We have had so many budget cuts, it's unbelievable. But even with the cuts, the education has not declined (in my district). and there are still ways to get the money, even if that means raising our taxes. The money is there, somewhere and the people who are concerned with the education system will work to get that money.

So, yes, I am a one issue voter and I'm sure you have strong feelings about this one way or the other. This is the one issue where the one in jeopardy (danger of being killed) does not have a voice. So, I have to help in hearing their voices be heard.
I wonder who all those babies would vote for, if that were a possibility. You know, it's said to be about choice, but I don't buy it. I do not have the choice whether or not to wear a seat belt. If I don't, I run the risk of being ticketed. But I do have the choice to kill my unborn child. How does this make sense? "Seatbelts save lives" and so if you are not going to be smart enough to wear one voluntarily, we will make it a law. Well, you know what, not having abortions saves lives, too.
And so while I understand there is a lot to think about, this, the legalizing of abortions and who is for it and who has already made steps to save the lives of some of the unborn, is where my vote goes.

My lIfe, my kids

2004-10-19T16:33:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have been having serious feelings of inadequacy. I feel like I am a horrible mother, wife, housekeeper and student. I worry most about the mom part. So much of the time is spent correcting and explaining and instructing that I wonder if my kids are having enough fun, or if they are learning all the things they need to learn from me, or if they will grow up with memories of me being frustrated with them or with memories of the times we did do fun stuff.

School is taking up a lot more time than I had inticipated. I have lots of homework and not enough time to do it. I have in the past always gotten good grades, and I'm not sure that will be the case this time around. I enjoy the classes and I mostly enjoy the work, I just don't have the time needed to give it 100%. and unfortunetly, my grades are reflecting this. not that they're bad, just not what I want.

So, of course, that means the housework is suffering. There is an endless pile of laundry that either needs to be folded, put away or washed. The amount of paper work my son brings home is beginning to pile up and I am unsure of what to do with it, because 9 times out of 10, he needs it again and will get in troule if he cannot produce it when necessary. So, I've been hanging on to all of that.

The bright side is my husband. He is not concerned with the condition of the house. He says, "get used to it for now, until the kids are older and you are done with school." and he's been doing so much for me. He really is the greatest. He had dinner going when I got home from school on Saturday. He got all the kids ready for bed, baths included, he cleanded up the kitchen that had been a mess all week. You may be saying to yourself, "well, good, that's what he should be doing" but the thing is that he works nights so he's not here for the nightly routine so on the weekends he puts the kids to bed and it was so great that he did all the rest too, since I still had some homework to finish for my Sunday class.

But it has all been weighing down on me and I have gone out to a blog that is written by a woman who desperately wants a child and she talks about all the things she imagines doing if it ever works out with all of the fertility difficulties they have come up against. and she talks about how she sees her friends who can very easily have children taking their children for granted and how she never will. and it makes me wonder, Do I take my kids for granted? what does that mean? what does that look like in the daily schedule? and then we got a calendar in the mail.

We have been supporting St Jude's hospital for a while now, but I don't ever remember seeing a calendar before. I sat down and read the stories of all the kids there and looked at all their artwork and cried because these kids are amazing in the face of so much illness. and I think of their moms, who would give anything to have their child be healthy and to be able to do all the things my kids do on a daily basis. and I cried some more, because I don't have it that tough. I don't have to take my kid to a hospital on a weekly/monthly basis or leave them there to face some pretty tough procedures. and I look at my kids and I say, "Thank you, Jesus" and I remind myself that I need to be grateful for what I have and not dismayed over what I don't have.

Shoes

2004-10-14T07:43:00.000-05:00

The following is the conversation my son and I had on the way to AWANA last night.
"Mom, size 1 is too small and size 3 is too big and I know size 2 is just right but every time I kick my right foot my shoes come off."

"Do you keep them zipped up?"

"Yes, Mom, that one is just getting loose."

"Well, than don't kick with your right foot."

"I can't kick that good with my left foot." (they play soccer every day at recess)

"I guess you will have to learn to tie."

"But it takes too long to get back in the game."

"Well, which would you prefer, a loose right shoe or the possibility of being able to tighten up your shoes."

"A loose shoe."

"Well, then stop complaining."

"I'm not complaining. I just don't like it."

I was thinking about that later, he said he wasn't complaining, just telling me something he didn't like. Isn't that complaining. Or does complaining imply a desire to have something change. I think sometimes I do a lot of complaining about things I don't like. Can you talk about stuff you don't like without complaining? What is complaining? I gotta quit or I'm gonna start whining about complaining and that would not be pretty!

The Last Day of Summer

2004-10-12T14:29:00.000-05:00

I heard on the radio this morning that today is the last nice day for a VERY LONG time. I'm not ready for this. It's so beautiful right now, with the leaves changing color and the crispness of the leaves that have fallen. But I feel like there is a force greater than me that is pulling me kicking and screaming into the next season. I still have to fight with my kids every morning about wearing shorts and short sleeves (they insist) and if I can talk them into long sleeves than forget about wearing a sweatshirt. They're not ready, I'm not ready. I suppose I should check to make sure I can locate 3 pairs of winter boots, 3 pairs of gloves and several extras, 3 winter hats, 3 winter coats, 3 sets of snow pants. But I don't want to. I hate the cold weather. I hate standing outside freezing while trying to buckle kids into car seats with freezing cold hands that won't barely move. I hate trying to keep track of all those mittens and hats every time we go in some place and they goet hot and start pulling it all off. I hate clearing snow and ice off the car in the mornings. I hate having to worry about whether or not my hubby will be able to shovel the driveway before he leaves for work or if I will have to do it so my Dad won't when he gets home from work. I hate being so cold that I can't breathe and every bone in my body aches.

Yeah, remind me again why I live in Minnesota? The only good thing about winter is the beauty of the white snow and how much my boys love to play outside in the snow and what would Christmas morning be without freshly fallen snow. I wish I could hibernate and not have to go outside again until Spring. i better go. i need to soak in the last beautiful day we will have in a VERY LONG time.

There's a Cowboy in All Of Us

2004-10-11T06:52:00.000-05:00

Last night B7 was watching some sort of rodeo on TV. To the best of my knowledge he has never seen a rodeo before. Although you would never know it from his comments. "Oh, he's the one to beat, I've heard about him" What? Heard about him where? "His score was 91! Better than I predicted, I thought he would get 89" These comments were made during the bull riding contest, although this is the one place he could have given himself away, since he kept calling it buffalo riding while he was waiting for that part to come on. It was hysterical. Who know my son knew so much about being a cowboy and liked it so much! His dad tried to change the channel, looking for something else to watch and B7 got all upset, "But I was watching the rodeo!"
I had a hard enough time convincing him that hockey and football were too dangerous to play. I sure hope I don't have to convince him that he's not actually that interested in bull riding. Although, if he asks, I would probably let him ride a buffalo.

Way To Math

2004-10-08T07:34:00.000-05:00

B7 is in 2nd grade and he is very bright. He always has been, soon he will be smarter than me. I've always known what he's doing for homework, but truth be told, he doesn't need my help. This year he is in leveled reading and math. His homeroom teacher is his reading teacher, but his math teacher is a different 2nd grade teacher. So, for math he has to gather up his belongings and go to math. The last couple of nights have been horrible. He comes home with the wrong papers, or he's forgotten his homework because it's in the wrong folder. and he's devastated. He likes math, he likes homework and he doesn't want to get an X for not having his homework (3 X's and you cannot participate in that month's behavior reward). This is all new to me, we have not had this problem before. He brought home a page from his math workbook last night and it had a sticky note on it that said "Study Hall". I could not convince him to do this worksheet, he said he had to do it the next day in Study Hall (library during recess). I tried to convince him that if he did it tonight as homework he would not have to go to Study Hall. It was a 2 1/2 hour ordeal. I ended up finally talking to his teacher to get it all worked out. She said it's a new thing and a very tough thing for 7 and 8 year olds to move to a different classroom and to remember everything they need, but that he just needs to stop and think and make sure he has what he needs. So, I made him a list to tape to the inside of his desk so he can double check it before he leaves for math. I have no idea if this will help, or if there is more to it, but I think I will go in and watch the transition and see what happens in math.
A little frustrating and a whole new experience for me, hopefully, not to be repeated too many more times! But, since the possibility exists, I will have to remember to be calm and helpful. Right?

Traveling and Parenting

2004-10-05T16:20:00.000-05:00

I have to write three travel essays for my geography class to somewhere I have never been. I have chosen, although it could change, St. Lucia in the Caribbean, Prague and Singapore. Anybody know anything compelling about any of these places that I should definetly include in my essay?

On the parenting side of life, I thought I would write an update on my children since I have not talked about them recently. B7 wore khakis to school today and came home with grass stains all over them! When i said i didn't think I could get them clean, he said, "Why do they need to be clean?" Why indeed? Also, almost daily, he forgets his lunch box in the school and has to go back in for it. Why they can't put them in their locker after recess, I have no idea, but instead they get put ?? where, I don't know. But he can't seem to remember he needs to get it every day after school. He's in the top reading level and the top math level and I'm glad for that. He can read anything, a few months ago he started reading the book of Revelation out of his Bible.

B4 had preschool today and a friend of his came home with him afterwards to play for awhile. B4 can go a long time without talking much, when his friend was here today he chattered at him nonstop! I thought my ears would start bleeding. The other day while riding in the car he wanted to know if he would be a dad before his brother. I tried to explain that it just depended on who got married and who had babies first. He said his brother told him he would be an adult before him and I said that yes, age wise, B7 would be an adult first but by the time they were in their 20's it wouldn't matter because they would both be adults (gulp!). Well, the bottom line was he wishes he was an adult now. Because then he could do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. I tried to tell him that he needs to enjoy being a kid and do all the kid things now. "Yeah, but it seems like it's taking a long time to grow up", Poor kid, he's only 4. But I had to agree. I remember being a kid and thinking I would never get older. Now I refuse to admit just how old I am.

My baby is 18 months old now and thinks she's at least 5. She does and says all the things her brothers do and say. Her favaorite things are her dolls, "babies" and she drags them everywhere with her. I try really hard to distract her on our way out the door so she won't remember to bring them along. She brushes her teeth exactly like I do, she takes the keys to the car and thinks she shold be able to get in like I do. She "talks" on the phone while walking around the house, like I do. she loves having her hair brushed and put up into a pony tail and she loves to watch me put on makeup. It's weird having her copy me on everything. I guess I'll have to watch what I do more closely!!

They are pretty amazing kids, overall. We have our moments and at those times I'm not the shining example of a mom that I would like to be. They know how to push my buttons and it gets old reffing make believe. But they are precious and beautiful and as much as I try to teach them, I think I am the one doing the learning.

The Way to School

2004-10-04T13:50:00.000-05:00

Satuday was my education class for weekend college and one of our assignments was to bring in an artifact or article or heirloom that we could talk about and how that linked to our family history and culture. I wracked my brain for this one because we don't really have any cultural customs that we do that have been passed on from generations ago. I know my dad's dad was born in Sweden, but we don't really know the origin of the rest of the family members.
Antway, i ended up taking a very old recipe for ketchup that my mom always made when we were kids. She got it from her mom who got it from her mom. this is the original recipe and part of the directions are "remove from fire". I didn't take a sample of the ketchup in with me, because, really, how exciting is it to just eat ketdhup, but it is really good.
Then on Sunday I went back for my Geography class, which, this week, i had a test in. Well, I left early because we had been told that there would be no where to park because of a dedication of a new building on campus and they were having a big thing with the students, teahers, parents, alumni... so I left early in hopes of finding a parking spot.
I heard later that an email went out, but I didn't get it. I was driving along, quite happily, reviewing the populations fo the top 10 largest countries in my head, when all of a sudden, there was a sign that said, ROAD CLOSED.
Sunday was a big marathon and they had closed all the roads and I did not know how to get to school. No problem, take out my cell phone, call home, it goes straight to voice mail which means my hubby is on the internet, no proble, call his cell. PROBLEM: no answer. I went back and forth between the tow phones leaving frantic messages. "Where are you? I need to talk to you right now! Call me back right now! you have to tell me how to get around the marathon to the school" No luck, I could not get through to him. Meanwhile I am driving all over the place trying to figure it out but I can't get as far south as I need to, all the roads were closed. So I finally called my brother, who very easily whipped out a map and talked me through the way around the marathon th othe school. Thank you, brother!!
I actually did get to school on time, I have no idea how, I think because once I got there all the festivities were over and i didn't have to worry about parking. I wasn't the only one trying to figure out how to get there, a couple other students came in late.
Of course, i wasn't as upset about it by the thime I got home since it was all over and everything had worker out, but I still gave hubby a hard time for not answering his phone. "What's the point of you having a phone if you are not going to anser it, especially when I need to talk to you" I had to say this to him because he has said it to me hundreds of times when I forget to turn on my phone.
We were on our way home from dinner last night and i was reviewing the directions to the Open School that I had to go back to in the morning and my hubby was reminding me. Then he said "Yeah, but I think there's an AIDS walk going on down there tomorrow."
Ha ha, isn't he funny!!

The Open School Experience

2004-10-01T09:00:00.000-05:00

So, last Monday I went downtown to an Open school that's very close to the University. I was supposed to be there at 8:30 am, I arrived at 8:15. The teacher put me right to work stapling homework pages together. The students started slowly filtering in, they would hang up their coats in a cubby in the classroom and then come sit on the floor in front of the Blackboard. About 8:30 there were about 14 students there and the teacher, who is called by her first name, (let's call her Amy) sat on the floor with them while they tried to figure out word picture problems. She told me they were still waiting for 11 students, that they were at breakfast.
Finally, I finished all the stapling and I joined the circle along with the breakfast eaters. We went around the circle, high fived each other and said "Good Morning". Then we played a game of "hot and cold", where one student would hide a tape while another student was out in the hall. That student would then come in and we would all give directions on how to find the tape using hot and cold as directionals. They had a great time doing that.
This classroom was 3rd/4th grade together. I didn't really know what an open school meant. Everyone I talked to before going down there told me that there would be no walls. Well, there were walls, we were in a real classroom. So I talked to Amy about it while the students were eating lunch. She said that the old open meant no walls, but it didn't make for very effiective learning, for obvious reasons, one class might be working on an art project while another class is trying to take a test. The new open, she explained, means that the students have lots of options. So do the teachers. The students get to pick almost all of what they learn. They set their own goals, choose what they want to study, choose dance and/or band and the teachers choose whethere or not they want to follow any kind of curriculum. This year they have to use a math curriculum, but everything else is up to the individual teacher.

Then they had about 45 minutes of silent reading. Amy had me take one student out into the hall so she could read out loud to me and then explain to me what she read.
Then it was math and the third graders left to go to their math class and other fourth graders came in to Amy's class. They sat on the floor in front of the blackboard with their workbooks and did math with the help of the overhead projector.
Then lunch, recess and then writing. Their writing assignment was to write a persuasive paragraph to the student council to try to convince the middle schoolers to let the elementary students use the juice machine too.
Then at 12:45 they were off to gym and I went home. I go back two more Mondays.

It was very familar, because it was school, but it was also different because of their different philosophies on some things. I have never been in a classroom where you call the teacher by her first name. Amy said they were a peace site and every time one of the students said something inappropriate to another student Amy would say, "Oh no, we're a peace site, we can come to school in a safe environment." But I didn't really see any consequences to speaking inappropriately. Maybe I will in the coming weeks.

It was alot of fun for me. I enjoy being with the kids and it was also very interesting to me to see a classroom so different to what I grew up in. Students are students, no matter where they are or what kind of a school they go to. It definetly encouraged me to know that this is still what I want to do and I think it's very helpful to see other kinds of environments.

I was a bit nervous being in there, but I hope I didn't make Amy nervous. She's a great teacher and the students all seem to really like her.

Homework Accomplished

2004-09-30T13:16:00.000-05:00

Thank you to all of you for your prayers and good wishes. I am not necessarily feeling any better and after an incredibly long night with my kids who don't understand the importance of sleep, I am still quite tired. But, I have gotten a lot of my homework done this morning and I'm feeling less stressful. Maybe I will get a nap later today after all.

I will have to share with you my experience of observating a classroom for my fieldwork assignment, but that will have to for another time. It was fun and insightful. It was at an OPEN school. I wasn't sure what that meant before I went. More later.

Not Feeling so Good

2004-09-29T07:07:00.000-05:00

-bad head cold
-no sleep
-can't think
-lots of homework
-please pray

Update and Homework

2004-09-25T09:23:00.000-05:00

Well, it's Saturday morning and last night was successful. We had about 9 here for the Bible Study and I was able to complete my chores on time. Although, I did not make it to the library, so a friend of mine took my books for me on her way home last night. The cinnamon rolls were a hit and they are now gone, we finished them up for breakfast and my children mostly behaved themselves. I missed part of it because I went and laid down with my baby until she fell asleep. and the house is still looking pretty good. now if I can just keep it that way.

Ok, on to something different, I have a quiz for those of you who are interested. This is from my human geography class.
If you counted every person in the whole world at the rate of one person per second, how long would it take?

And here's another assignment, this one from my education class. For our next class we have to bring an article or artifact that represents our culture/ethnicity or family and talk al little bit about it. It could be a traditional food, something handed down through the generations, etc. What would you bring and why?

12 Hours

2004-09-24T07:43:00.000-05:00

Tonight, we resume the Bible Study in my house. We have been on break for the summer and tonight's the night we start up again. I have 12 hours to get ready. I have a million things to do.
-make B7's lunch√
-make hubby's dinner√
-fold laundry that's in the laundry baskets
-pick up dirty laundry off the floor since the laundry baskets are full
-put away folded laundry
-clean kitchen√
-clean bathroom√
-vacuum living room
-vacuum dining room (yes, we have carpet in our dining room!)
-clear off the clutter all over the desk√
-pick up entry way
-sweep and mop entry way floor
-pick up clutter in living room√
-make cinnamon rolls√
-clean mirrors
-start laundry all over again
-this of course does not include breakfasts and lunches to be made today, diapers to be changed and other misc. activities that may come up

Now I'm down to 11 1/2 hours, time to get a move on.

It's now 2:45 and I've completed the checked items, actually, with alot of help from my hubby! I should do okay, now i have to run to pick up my son from school and then we need to stop at the library and make a quick Target run and the boys want Pizza Hut for dinner.
and, I used my new best friend, the steam cleaner, to clean some of the gunk off the couch cushions!
I'll be exhausted tonight, but my house will be clean.

Study Habits of the mom and wife

2004-09-23T19:50:00.000-05:00

I have A LOT of homework to do for school next weekend. A LOT! So, today, after dropping B4 off at Be Four, I headed to the coffee shop across the street for the 2 1/2 hours until I had to pick him up, thinking I could get some studying done. I ordered my coffee and my cream cheese coffee cake and sat down at a big table to spread out all my stuff. There were not alot of people in there, a couple of community service officers who really only got distracting when they started talking about how they hate the smell of puke when they have to clean it up. I did not think this was appropriate coffee shop talk, but it didn't last that long, so...
But then, in walked, LOUD TALKER! Now, I realize I wasn't at the library and I was taking my chances but I did not imagine having to listen to this guy talk from the other side of the restaurant. The thing, too, was that he was there with a girl and they were studying the Bible together. Which is great, but he was SO LOUD, that I couldn't do anything but listen. I don't know if this guy talks loud all the time, or if by reading the Bible out loud, real loud, he was in someway witnessing. Because, to me, and I enjoy hearing the Bible read out loud, it didn't feel like witnessing, it felt annoying. Now, how horrible does that sound to be annoyed by the Bible? Except that it was all of his comments that I had to listen to as well and those I definetly was not interested in listening to.
But, the rest of that story is that I did get some studying done, so, LOUD TALKER or not, I will be back there to study again. They do, after all, have Vienna Mousse coffee!!

My Life

2004-09-22T06:56:00.000-05:00

Has anyone seen the commercial about my life? I don't know if commercials are the same all over the country or not or in Canada, but there is one about my life. I know we have a huge amount of political ads because we are a swing state. It floors me that some states don't see any of these ads and we are bombarded with them. Anyway, that's not the point.
This commercial starts with a woman on the phone, holding a baby. She says, "I gotta go" and puts the phone down. She then starts walking through her house - into the kitchen where 2 boys are having a food fight and snatches a bun out of midair, then into the living room where a girl is jumping on the couch and she motions for her to sit down, through the hallway where another boy is drawing on the wall and she takes the marker out of his hand on her way by and finally into the laundry room where another kid is standing in front of the dryer. She takes him by the collar of the shirt, moves him out of the way, opens the dryer door and pulls out a basket of eggs that are cracked and leaking everywhere. and then it's over. that's the commercial. I think it's for a battery, which doesn't make any sense, because I don't have a battery I can just switch out or recharge. (not a REAL battery). and I don't have that many kids, but the kids I do have could make that much of a mess and that's what I feel like I do, go from room to room putting out "fires". The interesting thing to me is that she doesn't ever stop to clean any of these messes up, she's gotta keep moving to see what trouble the other kids are causing. Yep, that's my life, no time for cleaning, just time for putting out fires. I can't wait until they are older. Maybe everything won't seem as overwhelming anymore. The good news is that my carpets got cleaned last night and they look real nice. I wonder how long they can stay that way.

Weekend College

2004-09-20T07:49:00.000-05:00

So, I had school again this weekend. I spent 2 hours on Saturday in the computer lab learning how to use Blackboard and working on my E-portfolio. Not real complicated, but all new to me. and a little complicated because we use pc's at school and a mac at home. thankfully my hubby knows all things computers.
Then we went to the library and spent 1 1/2 hours learning how to use ERIC. I'm sure all you educational professionals know what this is, but I was unfamiliar with it, until Saturday. Now, I have research to do on my research paper.
Then I spent 3 1/2 hours on Sunday learning about birth rates, death rates, infant mortality rates, fertility rates from all around the world. Also, we discussed what factors play a role in where people live. Temperature, moisture, elevation. All so interesting, huh? Here's a little quiz for you. 22 of the major 25 cities (in the US) are on a river, big lake, or the ocean for the purpose of needing that water source. Which 3 cities are not? (one is sort of tricky)

poof!

2004-09-17T07:58:00.000-05:00

My Blogroll just disappeared. Does anyone know where it went?

My new Best Friend

2004-09-17T07:11:00.000-05:00

I hate doing housework. and I'm really lousy at it. But I have a new Best Friend. It's one of those steam cleaner things. I don't even know what it's called, but you've probably seen an infomercial for it. You fill it with water and then when it's hot you spray steam on everything and it all comes clean. I didn't really think something like this would work but I decided to try it. My mom bought one a while back and yesterday morning as I was making B7's lunch I decided to break it out. I cannot seem to get his lunch box clean no matter what I do. It has seams and sandwich crumbs get stuck in there. Well, the steam blasted all that junk out of there and it looked brand new. So then I decided to try it on the dishwaher. Cleaned that up real nice. and then I could not be stopped. I cleaned the fridge, the stove, the range hood, the microwave, the garbage and recycling bins, some junky spots on the floor, the stainless steel sink, a pot, the cupboards, a few walls, switch plates and now every where I look all I can see are things I could steam clean. It's quite fun actually. Oh and I cleaned the counter tops and the table. Not sure that was necessary, but, it was fun. I'm going to try it on the cushions of the couch. Do you think that would work?
Today I'm taking it into the bathroom!! The only problem is how quickly it runs out of water. I have to stop, unplug it, wait for it to cool off, fill it up again, plug it back in, wait for it to heat up again. But it's so fun, it's worth it!!

What it must be like

2004-09-15T07:39:00.000-05:00

This is something that I cannot wrap my mind around. Yesterday, i was sitting in a playland Burger King with a friend so our kids could play together. After a bit, another family walked in and my friend said "Oh, hi Susan" Then she introduced us and said they went to grade school together, went to the same church, grew up in the same youth group and went on a missions trip to Mexico together when they were teenagers. This friend of mine lives in the house she grew up in, they bought it from her parents when they retired and moved "up north". In fact, I have another friend in the same situation. They live in the house she grew up, her kids go to the grade school she went to and they are all still in touch with most of the kids they've known since Kindergarten.
This boggles my mind. I have stayed in touch over the years with one childhood friend. We live no where near each other and due to some financial difficulties for her, it's very tough to stay in touch. But we know that no matter what, we would always be there for each other if needed.
That's it. I have absolutely no idea about anyone else I went to school with or to church with. What would that be like? My friend and her friend laughed over some memory of a birthday party where they all tried to put on make up. I have those memories, but there is no one to laugh with me over them.
I wish I did know where some of those friends are, Leah, Kerry, Brandy, Sherry. What are they doing today? do they have families? Do they ever think of me?
We moved so many times when I was a kid, I cannot imagine what it must be like to raise your kids in the house you grew up in, in the neighborhood you played in and at the same school with the same teachers that you had.
Sometimes, I'm glad the friends I have now don't know every single thing about me since childhood. But, at the same time, I wonder what it must be like.

Unbelievable

2004-09-13T07:23:00.000-05:00

Over the last couple of days, my baby daughter has, at times, sort of pulled at her diaper and made funny noises. So, thinking she needed a diaper change, I would check and she didn't. But about 10 minutes later, she would.
So yesterday morning, when she did this, I decided to let her sit on the potty. She loves sitting on the potty.
and my 17 month and 21 day old baby POOPED on the potty!!!
Could this be true? I was in complete and total shock. Both my boys were very near 4 before they even realized we actually had a room in the house called the bathroom.
I'm not getting my hopes up, but, boy oh boy, will I be thrilled if she figures this out in the next few months. All you moms of girls, is this really happening or is this a one time "got lucky"?

On a completely different note, but almost just as unbelievable, I started school this weekend. I can't believe I was back on a campus after 12 years!! wow, the cool thing is that it's the same for almost everyone else. I think I will really enjoy it, although I have alot of homework to do. I have to write an essay on what it takes to be an effeective teacher and how I have those characteristics. Maybe I'll share it with you once I have it written. Yesterday I sat through 3.5 hours of how to read maps, lattitude and longitude and climate patterns of the earth. All interesting, but not really exciting. It will be a good class though. I just have to stay awake when he turns off the lights to show us all his slides!