Childhood Friend

My best friend's birthday was the other day. I have not talked to her in almost a year. I have not seen her in almost 4 years. But as little or as much as we keep in touch, whenever we talk it's always like old times and we just start in on whatever is going on in our lives. We grew up together. We were 6 when we met and we spent every possible moment together for 10 years and I was 16 and my family moved away. Although we were best friends when we were growing up, if we did end up spending too much time together we would fight like sisters. I think that is what has helped us stay close all these years. Our lives started in about the same track, getting married, having a baby, and than that's when life got tough for her and why it has been so long since I have seen her or talked to her. Her husband abused her and she left him and became a single mom struggling to make a life for herself and her son. Money was always tight and so she rarely had a phone or an email account. Our moms are close as well, so that helped in keeping us updated on each other's life. But things are a bit better for her now, and she is back on line and has a phone so I was able to talk to her on her birthday. I wish we lived closer. We know each other so well, even after all this time, and it seems somehow refreshing to talk and catch up with her. I guess it's because we can't pretend to be something we are not since we each know the other's deep dark secrets!! She's an amazing person and has survived much heartache in her life. I am as thankful for her today as I was when I was a kid and she was the only one who understood my crush on a boy in our youth group named Boyd. (I wonder where he is today!!)

I have many amazing friends right here that live just around the corner from me, without whom my life would be empty and I am very thankful for them! In fact, one of them has agreed to help watch my kids so I can go to Slovakia this summer. This is an incredible blessing to me. But there is just something about someone who has gone through very nearly your whole life with you and, still, considers you a friend.

Happy birthday, my friend. May your year be filled with every imaginable and unimaginable blessing! I love you and I miss you!

Minute

Hearing your words repeated back to you by your children is a bit enlightening. I have been saying to my baby girl, "just a minute" when she asks for juice first thing in the morning in hopes that she will let me stay in bed just a few more minutes. Now, when I ask her to come to me, to change her diaper, or to get her dressed she says, "ok, minute". Yeah. Now I know how she feels!!

B4 turns 5!!

Today, my sweet natured little boy turned 5! In fact, it doesn't seem possible. Five years ago today, I was laying in a hospital bed with this tiny bundle in my arms thinking, "he's so small, and so precious and has already brought our family so much joy." And he has continued to do so (nearly) every day. He is so sweet and insightful and full of humor and wit and imagination that I just love to hear what he's doing and saying. His big brother is such a strong personality that I was worried that B5 would get lost in it. But he has learned to stand up for himself, without losing his own personality. In fact, the other day while riding in the car, B5 was telling us all about stars and what they are made of and his brother interupts to ask dad a question. B5 says, "Hey, I'm talking here!"

I was watching him tonight, opening his gifts and becoming so engrossed in each one and just really having a great time and I think to myself, how is this possible that this amazing child belongs to me? He truly is a gift from God and he just fills up our lives with sunshine. I said to him, "B5, how in the world did you get to be 5 years old?" and he looked and me and said, "Every year, on your birthday, God changes your number."

So simple, so much faith.

Happy Birthday, my boy. I love you so much and I cannot wait to see what God has for you in your days and years ahead. Your smile brightens the room and sometimes, so can your frown just because you are so cute. And having you in our lives fills our hearts. I'm not sure how much of this day you will remember, but I plan to remember it forever.

I love books ... and cake!

So I think my book party was fairly successful, even after inviting over 25 people and only having 4 of them show up. I did get a lot of positive responses though, "wow, that sounds great, but we have (fill in the blank)." I have no idea if people were really that interested but previously committed or if they were being nice, but for those of who showed up it was lots of fun and the 4 that came bought enough in books that I was able to get $40 of merchandise for $16. I was happy. I bought a book called Cold Sassy Tree and one called Eat Cake by Jeanne Ray. the woman that has these book parties mentioned this book changed her life so I was intrigued enough to have to buy it. I have not had lots of time to dive in yet but I started it and it sounds interesting. Let me share a part with you

"Cakes have gotten a bad rap. People equate virtue with turning down dessert. There is always one person at the table who holds up her hand when I serve the cake. No, really, I couldn't, she says, and then gives her flat stomach a conspiratorial little pat. Everyone who is pressing a fork into that first tender layer looks at the person who declined the plate, and they all think, That person is better than I am. That person had discipline. But that isn't a person with discipline, that is a person who has completely lost touch with joy. A slice of cake never made anybody fat. You don't eat the whole cake. You don't eat a cake every day of your life. You take the cake when it is offered because cake is delicious. You have a slice of cake and what it reminds you of is someplace safe, uncomplicated, without stress. A cake is a party, a birthday, a wedding. A cake is what's served on the happiest days of your life."

Sounds interesting, huh? Well, if anyone is interested in reading it with me, we could do a sort of blog book club. Read it and discuss it. I'm curious if I can find out how or why it changed this lady's life and what impact it will have on me. and interestingly enough, tomorrow morning I will get up and bake a cake for my son's birthday.

Today, Tomorrow, Next Week

There are times when I think, I don't know what all the hype is about, we're not one of those families who are busily running from here to there with no time for thinking or breathing. And when the message is to slow down, I think to myself, "If I slow down any more, I'll never get out of bed."

This week and next, is not one of those times. I'm not sure how it happened, but all of a sudden my calendar is very full with litlle room for thinking and breathing. Tonight I am helping host an info meeting for anyone from church who is interested in finding out more about the trip to Slovakia. I still need to finish up my notes on that. Tomorrow, in the morning, I go over to my son's school to help out in his classroom for a bit and than I have to clean my house because tomorrow night I am hosting a book party. Which will be very fun (it's books instead of say, tupperware or candles and it's very cool!) but there is a lot of work to get ready for that. Than on Friday, I am off to do the grocery shopping, come home, bake some cupcakes for B4's birthday celebration with some friends from school. Saturday is actually his birthday and I will be baking another cake for that for the family celebration! He's very excited, he did decide on Chuck E Cheese. I'm still taking my mom to therapy 2x a week and than next Wednesday I have conferences for B4 followed by his 5 year check up. And than it will hopefully settle down at least for a while. My hubby just signed us up at a health club and I really want time to go work out so I can be in shape for my upcoming trip to Slovakia. It's a lot of walking and a lot of physical activities.

Okay, so I'm off to get ready for this day, while I am mentally already ahead a few days!!

Surprise, Happy Valentine's Day!

Valentine's Day 1994

I got off work at the Bible Book Store about 9pm and my parents met me there. They had just driven to Chicago from Winnipeg, Manitoba because I would be having minor surgery in the morning and they wanted to be there with me. We stopped at a restaurant for a quick bite to eat and we were back to my apartment a little past 10pm. My mom had made me some special Valentine's Day chocolates so she was bringing those out to show me and she had repaired a quilt she had made me years ago and had brought that out so we were in the midst of catching up and looking over stuff when the buzzer on my apartment wall rang. I pushed the talk button and said "who's there?" "John" I heard through the static. I pushed talk again, "Come on up" As I was opening the door my mom asked "John who?" my reply was, "I have no idea". But I really did have a tiny idea, I just could not imagine what he would be doing at my apartment on Valentine's Day at 10:30 pm.
John was someone who had only months before started coming to our church. We had done stuff together before, but in a group and I didn't ever really think anything about it. I was just being nice to him because he was new to our group and I thought he was coming into the Bible Book Store a lot because he wanted a Bible and was looking for Christian music. I remember the first time I considered if there was something more going on when a friend of mine asked me what was going on with me and John. Up until that point I had only considered him a friend and now I realized how great he was and how I was looking forward to spending more time with him. About a week later was Valentine's Day and here he was at my door at 10:30 at night with my parents behind me and he's holding a white, long stemmed rose. "Happy Valentine's Day" he says.
I invite him in, introduce him to my parents, we are both sort of in shock, I was not expecting him and he was not expecting my parents. He had to have some of the chocolates and see the repaired quilt (all of which today he says he has no memory of!). I told him why my parents were in town and he said he would be praying for me in the morning for my surgery to go well and he was off. I found out much later that he had been sitting outside my apartment for awhile with one of his friends trying to decide if he should come up or not.
Well, the next morning I got a phone call saying my doctor had a sudden death in the family and would not be doing surgery that day and I was rescheduled. So I called John to let him know he didn't have to pray for me that day, but that my surgery was postponed. One thing led to another and he ended up spending most of that week with my parents and me. I'm pretty sure that was not how he was planning our first few dates, but I think my parents were glad to have that time getting to know him.
That was a very special Valentine's Day for me and a year and a month later we were married. And now for Valentine's Day a special treat for me is one white, long stemmed rose and it reminds me of that crazy day 11 years ago when I was first falling in love!

"What? What?"

In a ridiculous attempt to pull myself out of the funk I was in, I went over to the mall armed with my many gift cards to try to find some clothes I would like. I had a return to make at American Eagle. I was unable to make myself feel better, instead, I was only able to prove to myself that I am now an overweight, middle-aged woman and have no right to be in that store. The music, if you could call it that, was so loud I could not even hear the guy ask me if I had the receipt for what I was returning. Then I wandered around the store to see if there was anything I had to have. All of their clothes come in size 0 and although I saw what I thought could be a cute shirt, I realized that if Donna wouldn't let her daughter wear it, I probably shouldn't either. (ha ha!) I finally had to leave with nothing to show for my time in there except a headache and a sense of having crossed over the line from hip and cute to old and practical. There's got to be cute, acceptable clothes out there somewhere that fit me and are fashionable, doesn't there? or are my dreams too lofty?

The Endless Circle

If you are looking for something interesting to read, you won't find it here today. I am feeling very sad today and am not sure why. I have nothing witty, funny, clever or inspirational to say. It is cold out, 2 of the 3 kids are still in pj's (it's 4:30pm), there are dirty dishes in the sink and clean ones in the dishwasher. The laundry still isn't done, the house is a mess and all I want to do is go to bed. Too bad that is not an option for me. Instead, I must, cook and serve dinner to 3 kids who will not want to even eat what I cook and serve. Empty the dishwasher, only to fill it up again with dirty dishes. Try to get the laundry done so my son has something to wear to school tomorrow, keep the kids from squabbling over something so mundane it hurts my head but must be dealt with because 1) I'm the mom and 2) It's very serious to them. Feed the dog and try to figure out if and when he poops when he's outside. (we now have a dog, as of this weekend, hopefully all will go good) Oversee homework and sign all necessary school forms and get the kids to bed on time so I can get up and do it all again tomorrow.
Yeah, I better go, I'm depressing myself even more.

My Sunshine Kids

The other night my kids were watching a Veggie Tales movie they got from the Library (it's hard to believe there any we don't have, but we must not be keeping up real well lately). Anyway, Larry the Cucumber starts singing "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine."

When each of my kids were little I would sing that song to them. I am still singing it to my baby Girl. And they have all seemed to really enjoy it. At least I thought they did until I saw their reaction when Larry started singing. Both the boys immediately closed their eyes and clamped their hands over their ears and started shouting, "IS IT OVER!!" I was so surprised, my baby and I were quite enjoying it and the boys were in near convulsion fits. I had no idea how they felt about "our" song. I started laughing and my hubby said, "well, you're a good woman, a lesser woman would be crying over this." There's no reason to cry, no I know I can torment them with "our" song!!

I know this much is true

When I was a kid I knew the Bible was true simply because of the verse, "A brother is born for adversity." He's 3 years older than me and he caused unmeasurable adversity in my life. (It wasn't until much later in life when I found out what that verse really meant!)
He called me "Beth, the ham" as a reference to Bethlehem. He would say, "Beth is an angel from heaven too bad she fell on her face." He would punch me in the arm over and over, the exact same spot so I had a continual bruise there. He would destroy every toy I had either by putting a stink bomb in it or screwing holes in it. I had a canopy bed and he would hang my dolls from the canopy (very traumatic, by the way) He would hide in the basement and jump out and scare me when I would reach up to pull the chain to turn the light on. He would hide under my bed and tape record conversations with my friends and me. He would tease me mercilessly (one time by telling the guy I liked that I had failed my drivers' test) The list goes on and on.

These were not things he was allowed to do. He would get in trouble, but it did not deter him from tormenting me. I wouldn't say we are close today. He lives only minutes away but we don't have a very close relationship. We were raised in a pastor's home and a time came when the church mistreated my dad in a huge way and while it affected each of us, my brother has really never been able to get over it. And some of the anger he has, he directs at my dad. So, you can see, there are lots of dynamics that play a role in the relationship.

But I have to say that in a crisis, he's very reliable. When mom had to be admitted into the hospital, he was right there, taking care of her and dad and me and my sister and my kids. I'm not sure that this makes up for all that he did to me when we were kids but it sure is good to know that when push comes to shove he will be the brother that was born to help in times of adversity!!

Good news X3

1. The Christmas tree is now down and put away.

2. My baby slept in her own bed for the whole night for the first time!

3. I have turned in my application and deposit for the trip to Slovakia and have been officially asked to lead the team for the 5th and 6th grade camp!! This is truly a miracle and a dream come true!!

Weddings and Communism

In 1989 when the wall came down in Berlin, I was attending a Bible School that did not allow TV's so I missed out on some unbelivable history happening before everyone's eyes but mine. (and the other 7 that I went to Bible School with). I did eventually see some footage but i have to say it did not really impact me too much. I mean, after all, my life hadn't changed that day in November and while I understood what the implications were there was no way for me to fully understand those implications and what they might mean for someone living in a communist country. That is, until I went to Slovakia last June. As one of the team leaders I went over a few days before the rest of the team and was able to spend some time in the home of an amazing couple. We stayed up late talking one night and I heard their incredible story. They planned to get married in October of 1989 and they decided to get married in church because they felt like this was the right thing to do. They were the only ones that felt that way. Their family and friends all tried desperately to get them to reconsider this idea. You see, to get married in church was in a way, raising a flag to the communist party and letting them know in no uncertain terms where they stood. This could prove very detrimental to them in their future and their jobs and to the kids they would one day have because now they would be marked as well and would not be allowed to attend College. The families of this couple begged them to reconsider if not for themselves than for the futures of their kids. They said, no, this is what we want, this is what we feel God wants and we have to trust Him for our future. So, they were married in October, in church and had no way of knowing that in the next month, the "walls of communism" would fall and with them all the arguments their families had had for them getting married in church.

It was an amazing experience to hear them talk about this miracle in their lives and in the lives of their kids, all (obviously) born after the fall of communism so they have no idea what they were spared from, except, like me, by hearing stories their parents had to tell. Meeting these people and being in Slovakia is what really made me understand what it was like for these people and what it must have felt like that day in November watching the wall come down in Berlin. (If they were lucky enough to have TV!)

Many of the details are working out and it looks as though I may just be able to go again this year. I hope so. I have come to love this country and these people and now that they are "free" from communism, I would love to be able to share in the destruction of other walls that will allow them to become "free" in Christ.