The Nightly Ordeal

B4 has been waking up at night for nealy 3 years with leg pain. It started when he was about 2 and for 2 1/2 years it was most every night. We tried everything. The doctor told us it was "growing pains" although they hesitate to use those words since it's not a medical term. I was not happy. He said to give him some ibuprofen for it and we do, that's about all that works. We even took him to a specialist but they said there is nothing wrong with his legs. It seems like torture for him and it is very hard to watch for us. We rub his legs, sometimes stretch them out and he screams and cries. We have tried a hot water bottle, we tried having him wear his shoes to bed, the thinking on that was maybe then he wouldn't stretch out his legs and getting charlie horses (if that's what it was). I've tried paying close attention to what shoes he was wearing each day or how much activity he had or what he was eating, but none of that mattered. There was no rhyme or reason. Over the last few months it has tapered off for which we are grateful but when it does happen, it's just as severe. There are nights when I just give him the medicine before he goes to bed as preventative. I hate doing this, but I feel like he's just not getting the quality of sleep that he needs. I asked about sleep disorders, but the doctor did not feel that this was the problem. "Just growing pains, some kids don't grow out of it until 2nd or 3rd grade." That's another 3 years!!

Last night, or actually, early this morning was the worst we've ever seen it. He was screaming and crying while his dad was rubbing his legs and stretching them out a little. The pain must have been more than he could take because he started hitting himself in the face and did this hard enough to give himself a bloody nose. I freaked out. I cannot take this anymore. There has to be something that can be done! My husband just found an article on the internet about a study done by Mayo clinic about "restless leg syndrome" that goes un or mis diagnosed in kids. The article says that waking up a few times a month or a year does not indicate a problem necessarily, but every night is chronic and anything that is chronic is a problem. I'm taking him back to the doctor and asking about this and if he still blows me off, I will have to figure out how to get a hold of a doctor who knows about this and is willing to look into it with us.

Something has to be done, the other night while praying with my parents, my dad asked him if he wanted Grampa to pray for his legs and his reply was, "no, that's just the way my legs are." as if to say he's resigned himself to it and accepts that this is the way it is. Well, not for me. I can't accept this anymore.

Slovakia

Last June I had the amazing experience of going across the ocean, landing in Vienna and traveling from there to Slovakia. In case you don't know where Slovakia is, don't worry, I didn't either. It was one of the Eastern Block countries of Eastern Europe and it borders Poland, the Czeck Republic, Hungary and Austria. It was a missions trip with my church and we ran a School of Nature camp while we were there. Yes, I left my husband and my 3 kids to do this and like I said, It was amazing. I completely fell in love with the country and the people and some of the food. The ice cream there is unbelievable, it's called zrmzlina and you pronounce it just like it looks. They don't use many vowels. It was actually my husband that got the ball rolling. He told me I should go to the informational meeting and that he would take those 2 weeks off as his vacation to stay home with the kids. (Yeah, he's the greatest).

The time has come to start planning for this year. I so want to go again, yet, I'm not sure if it will work out. My hubby and I talked about it this morning. He said if I could figure out something for the kids so this year he wouldn't have to take off work than I could go. I am trying very hard not to become giddy. I have to think about this and pray and figure out if this is what God has for me this year. I don't want to force it, but I do want to work on it, to see how it plays out. I am well aware that my job this year may just be helping with the planning and preparation. That I will do gladly, with just a twinge of sorrow in my heart as we send this year's team on their way.

I was one of the team leaders last year and I have already been asked to lead a team this year. I'm so shocked that my husband is even considering it because he was pretty miserable without me for 2 weeks last year. I'll have to work on being exceptionally annoying the next few weeks, so he says, "Yes, go, I won't miss THIS" Just kidding. Like I said, I'm not going to MAKE it happen, just trying to remain open and willing to hear what God says about this.

More than you can handle?

When I was in college, I met a family in my churh that became my family away from home. They had 3 kids at the time but would add 2 more in time. They were on the worship team, very fun family, had college kids over all the time and were amazing to me. "Bob" was the president of a company downtown and when I didn't have a job, he hired me. When I didn't have a place to live, he built a room in his basement to rent out to me. My to-be hubby and I would babysit their kids and then when we got married, their little guy of 2 was the ring bearer in our wedding. We would sit up for hours talking about everything. They have an amazing marriage and a very close knit family. Their kids tell them everything and they have very wild family vacations every year, usually managing to end up where ever the hurricane hits that year.

They had something extremely devastating happen to one of their daughters 2 weeks ago and it has shaken all of them. My heart hurts so deeply for her and for her sisters and for her parents. I talked to "Bob" last night on the phone and he said all he can do is help them take one day at a time, one step at a time and he said he has to trust that God's word is true and that they have not been given more than they can handle. So, he trusts in this and this helps them know that they will get through this. I feel so far away and helpless but I can pray. and I'm asking you to pray too, if you would.

Fill it up

There's a commercial on TV, I don't know if you've seen it, but it sure would be nice if it was a reality. There's a guy, I think from Walgreens, and he goes around the house and refills everything that is about to become empty. Wouldn't that be something, just as someone finishes off the milk, another gallon appears in the fridge. The peanut butter is never all gone, the toothpaste doesn't run out and at the last of the crumbs of potato chips, boom, there's more!! Oh, yeah, that person is me. I'm just not as efficient as the guy on TV. It amazes me that even though I go to Target nearly every day, I have to go again tonight, because the milk is very nearly empty and it would be a crisis of unfathomable proportions if there was not milk for the morning cereal!!

Almost everyone in the house is sick. My mom has the (stomach) flu. She can't keep anything down, today is the 3rd day. My husband is coming down with a cold, my dad has a bad cold, B4 has a bad cold and cough and the baby is still coughing. I am in shock that I am still standing. I think we are just all passing it around to each other and it's driving me crazy with all the co-pays at the doctor and the cost of the antibiotics. Oh, well, all those trips to the pharmacy gives me the chance to pick up all the stuff I forgot the time before!

Low Balance

Hot lunch is served at my son's school and I don't allow him to eat it except maybe once a month. I refuse to pay $30 a month for him to throw it in the garbage. I would rather pay for bread and peanut butter and have him throw that away. It's much cheaper. this decision of mine, has, however caused problems for other mothers. I was not aware of this until recently, though. It seems as though everyone who eats hot lunch ends up sitting together and everyone who brings lunch just goes in and sits together and starts eating. So, in order for his friends to be able to eat with him, they have insisted to their mothers that they bring cold lunch. I felt really bad about this when I found out because I'm sure it's much easier for some moms to just send the check every month than to have to get up and put together a lunch every morning. Oops.

I have put a few dollars in his account so that on occasion he can buy milk to go with his lunch, or get hot lunch if its, say, brunch for lunch. If the balance gets too low, the cashier will stamp his hand with a stamp that reads, "low balance". That's so when you see your kid that night you know it's time to send in more money. B7 came home with the "low balance" stamp the other day and this always concerns him even though I tell him not to worry about it because he is only occasionally buying milk. My sister saw his hand and thought it was so funny. "good thing they don't have that stamp at the bank!" she said, "you could never write a check anywhere, everyone would know you have a low balance." The she said, "I need a stamp of my own to carry around so I can stamp the hands of the clerks where I buy stuff with one that reads "I O U ".

I feel like I need a "low balance" stamp on my hand. I'm low on everything and not just groceries. My energy, happiness, get-up-and-go, patience, all low. There is so much going on right now and it is all pulling stuff out of me. Very draining and over whelming. I guess I need to go show my (heavenly) Father my low balance stamp.

Fun (or not) Squad

So B7 has "fun Squad" for an hour after school on Tuesdays. It started yesterday and according to the paperwork, it offers a variety of activities the kids can choose from. There's art lessons, computer lab, cooking lessons, science experiments, playing in the gym... I think I've paid $25 for my son to play dodge ball for an hour a week for 7 weeks. I'm not sure he will do any of the other activities.

anyway, like I said, it started yesterday. There has been a lot of things going on in our lives these past few weeks and yesterday when he left for school, we did not have the "I will see you after fun squad" discussion. I knew about it, since I signed him up and all, and he knew about it because he's been counting down the days and because they will announce it in school.

So, at about 3:15 my cell phone rings and of course I can't get to it because my very sick baby has just finally fallen asleep in my lap and I did not want to jump up and run for it. I couldn't figure out who it could be, since most everyone will call the house first and then if they don't get me, call the cell phone. So after a few minutes, I asked B4 to bring me my purse and I checked the number and didn't recognize it. There was a message so I listened and I heard B7's voice say "I don't know, usually she waits for me" then, click.

I, of course, immediately freaked out. I called back the number and got nothing, only ringing and ringing. I called the school to make sure fun squad was still happening today, It was. So, I took my crying baby down to my recupperating mother and raced over to the school.

He wasn't waiting for me outside, he wasn't waiting for me inside, not in the office, not in the main gym where I was told he should be. I finally found him in the small gym. I motioned for him to come over to the door. "did you call me?" I asked. "yes" he said, " I wanted to remind you about fun squad"

Yep, that's my son. Crazy me for freaking out thinking that he was confused or needed me. Nope, he's got everything under control and thinks, I better call my mom, because I doubt she does.

The heart, the colds and the birthday

My mom is home, safe and sound. Things are progressing as they should, or so we're told. She doesn't seem to have much energy, but she is supposed to take a short walk (down the hall) and do excersises daily. My poor kids, they can't understand why they can't go down and see Nanny whenever they want to. Now the baby is sick with some horrible sounding cough. We took her in on Saturday, but, alas, could not find anything worth prescribing antibiotic for. She's not getting much sleep, so, then, neither am I.


I would say "not much going on here" except that with the heart surgery recovery, one child with bronchitis, one with some other horrible cough, and temperatures that remind me of living in Northern Alberta, that wouldn't really be true. I guess it just feels all so mundane.

One cute story to tell about B4, next month he will become B5 and we were discussing his birthday party. He told us he wants to go to Chuck E Cheese for his birthday. I said, "well, if we do that, then it will just be family, no friends" meaning he could have a kids' party at home or a family party at C E C. He didn't quite catch on because his question was "then who will watch all the kids at our house when we go to Chuck E Cheese?!" Good question.

Amazing

Yeah, so I've been up to the hospital at least 15 times in the last 10 days. I can't even begin to figure out how much that is in parking. I think we've spent well over $40.00 just on coffee, cafeteria food and sodas. Do you have any idea how hard it is to remember which ramp you've parked on when you've parked over 15 times in a 10 day span? Last night, for the life of me, I could not find my car. Plus, I drive a couple different cars, depending on what's available, so I can never remember which car I'm looking for. I can't wait for this to be over. My mom didn't come home today, so that means tomorrow. It will be nice to have her back under the same roof as me, where I don't have to pay to park, or to eat!! But, I do want her to be well, so, the money really isn't an issue.

In other news, B7 has bronchitis. That caught me by surprise. If he gets a cold and it turns into a cough, he can't shake it unless he is given meds. We have an inhaler for this very reason for him. A few days ago he started coughing and so I told him to start taking his inhaler. Well, on Monday, when I picked him up from school he told me he couldn't handle the coughing any more. He slept okay that night buth when he woke up the coughing was unbelievable so I took him to the doctor, and sure enough, bronchitis. I feel kind of bad because I feel like I wasn't paying close enough attention and should have caught it sooner. So, now he's on an antibiotic, his inhaler and a steriod.

B4 has started basketball. It's just a class designed to go over some of the skills needed to play. I think he was a bit disappointed after the first class because they didn't actually play basketball against anyone. It's mostly fun for him, but I worry about him, too, because certain things will happen and he will shut down. There is something about the game, "what time is it Mr. Fox" that freaks him out and when it's announced that they are going to play it, he starts to cry and puts his head in his arms and won't come out of it. But when asked, he says basketball "is amazing".

What's amazing to me is that life marches on even while all your thoughts and most of your time is up at the hospital. The kids still need to eat, they wear and dirty clothes, homework has to be done. All with no regard for the fact that I am completely distracted by the health of my mother.

The bypass shuffle

My mom is recovering very well from her surgery. a great big thanks to all of you who prayed for her and for us! The surgery only lasted 2 hours and they are very pleased with her progress so far. We could only see her today for 10 minutes on the half hour. It's kind of a wierd feeling to wait around and then quickly go in to see her and then back to the family lounge to wait again. She has managed to maintain her sense of humor though. After about 7 hours they said it was time for her to move to the chair in her room. This seemed impossible to me because she could barely keep her eyes open, but they seem to know what they are doing. So, we left for the transfer and we came back in, sure enough, she was in the chair. Although it sure seemed very similar to her being in the bed. Anyway, she said they told her to dangle her feet over the side of the bed and then get up to walk to the chair. I was amazed, "you walked over her" I said. "Well, they didn't carry me. I'd call it the bypass shuffle!" Yep, that's my mom. back to her old charms.

Bittersweet

We were on the elevator this afternoon on the way up to see my mom and my boys pass the time by announcing what floor it is and who should be getting off on each one. We go to the 6th floor, so every one was off but us and a nurse. She asked who we were seeing and B4 said,

"We're visiting my Nanny, because she has a broken heart."

The nurse was so kind and replied "Well, we will fix her right up"

I wasn't sure how B4 was handling it. I was glad to hear him verbalizing some of it and in such a sweet way.

Believe Me Now

I watch you looking out
Across the raging water
So sure your only hope
Lies on the other side
You hear the enemy
That's closing in around you
And I know
That you don't have the strength to fight
But do you
Have the faith to stand and

Believe Me now
Believe Me here
Remember all the times I've told you loud and clear
I am with you and I am for you
So believe Me now
Believe Me now

I am the One who waved my hand
And split the ocean
I am the One who spoke the words
And I raised the dead
And I've loved you long before
I set the world in motion
I know all the fears you're feeling now
But do you remember who I am?
Do you

Believe Me now
Believe it's true
I never have, I never will abandon you
And the God that I have always been
I will forever be
So believe Me now

I am the God who never wastes a single hurt
That you endure
My words are true
And all my promises are sure
So believe Me now
Oh, believe Me now

(words and music by Steven Curtis Chapman)

My mom has bypass surgery on Monday at 7:30 am. Please pray.

Faithfulness

I got a call from my dad this morning, "don't worry about picking mom up from the hospital, I'll bring her home, I'm here now." When my dad got to work, they sent him to be with his wife, saying he didn't need to be at work and it was fine if he took another day off. Well, good thing, because during the stress test they found blockage on one side of mom's heart and scheduled an angiogram. So, I ended up back at the hospital anyway, so did my brother and my sister. We all sort of sat around waiting for when they could take her for the angiogram. She was not at all excited about the idea, but we convinced her that this would be fine and then she would be feeling a lot better. They were planning on putting in a stent once they knew what they were looking at.

Plans change, a lot, don't they? Not enough time had passed and we were paged that the doctor was coming out to talk to us. He said the blockage was in a bad spot and if he put in a stent it would compromise other arteries, so that leaves bypass surgery. We were all a bit shocked, since we were expecting her to come out better than when she went in, not worse. I realize this is standard procedure and many, many people have had this done, but none of them were my mom, and this time it is and I feel at times as though I cannot breathe and then I look over at my dad and he's standing there with tears streaming down his face and I know that now is not the time to come undone.

My dad just came home. He's not doing too great. He said it was really hard to leave her there. He said he's been through a lot of tough things, and he has, but not like this. He can't even complete a sentence because of the tears. It's so hard to see him like this and I want to say, "dad, you have been faithful to God every day of tons of years, and He has been faithful to you, He's not going to stop now." But I don't know what the future holds. Not that I don't think God will be faithful to my dad, I just don't know what that will look like.

Not Ready

So, this morning, I was getting ready to take my son to pre school, when my mom calls me from her room, "Bethie, are you there?" Now, I know there's something wrong when she calls me Bethie. I went into her room to find her crying. She said was having some pretty bad chest pain. and could I check on her throughout the day. No, mom, you call the nurse right now and find out what she thinks. "She'll just tell me to go to the hospital" I said, "Call her." She made the call and it means having to wait for a nurse to call you back. I left to take my son and when I got home the nurse had not called back. So I got on the phone and found out that my mom had not specified CHEST pain when she called, when I specified that I got put right through to a nurse. "Take her to the hospital, can't fool around with chest pain" So, I said "come on mom, we're going". I called my dad to let him know what was happening, my hubby said he would come too and we went down there.

They took her right in and left me to register her. My dad showed up, with tears in his eyes, I called my brother, "I'll be right there" and all the tests began. Well, now, after hours of waiting, and my sister calling to find out why I hadn't called her, my mom was admitted to the hospital overnight for more testing and observation. They want to draw her blood every 6 hours. The good news is that all the tests so far have come back negative and they can't really seem to find out what the problem is, but they are very intent on first ruling out the heart. I had a friend pick up my son from pre school while we waited and once we knew she was staying overnight, my hubby and I left so I could take the baby to the doctor (checking for ear infection) before picking up B7 from school.

I talked to her a few minutes ago and she had just had morphine, so she sounded pretty good. I am going to take B4 to his basketball camp and then we are going to go up to the hospital so the boys can see her and say goodnight.

I have barely been able to hold it together through all of this. I called a close friend and she prayed for me. and there's really not anything major wrong with her. I have a nervous energy and I feel like if I stopped and let myself cry, I wouldn't stop. What's going to happen to me when the time comes, (years from now, hopefully), when we are doing this for real? I watched my parents go through this with their parents, and my in-laws with theirs. I don't think I can do it, and I know I'm not ready.

MOA

So we decided to do a little reverse shopping down at Mall of America today. I had received LOTS of clothes for Christmas from the Chicagoland relatives, none of which are really me, so off we went. After all, all the stores are in one place. I think I went in to 4 different stores, had to stand in 4 lines, had to explain 4 times why I was returning them and argue 4 times for the sales tax to be returned too. IL pays 8% sales tax and I wanted that back too. You would think that since these stores are nationwide, their computer system would allow for such things, especially at the Mall of America where there are people from everywhere coming in there. Anyway, 3 of the 4 stores had to figure it out on a calculator. Only the Gap could do it right from the computer. Unbelievable. My mother-in-law is a great person and can usually pick out gifts for me with no problem but this year she bought me clothes in the trendy, teenie-bopper stores so now I have credit in these stores, but I'm not exactly sure what I will get there. My body is 3 pregnancies later and doesn't seem to fit into those clothes the way it should. Oh well, maybe I can find some socks or something. I did find a cute sweater at the Gap, but by then my children (and Hubby) were about to come unglued and the line was so long I decided to put it back and try again some other day.

On another note, I made some shrimp toast appetizers yesterday, like you can get at Leeann Chin. Oh, they were so good!! But way too hard to make. Hot oil everywhere, shrimp falling off into the hot oil, my Hubby standing by with a fire extinguisher. It's kind of hard to cook under those circumstances. I made more than we could eat, so tonight when my brother and his wife were here I reheated them and served them to them. My brother REALLY liked them. I thought they were better yesterday, but he didn't have them yesterday, so what does he know? In a way that bothers me more than it should I really like that I was able to impress my brother. I have issues with my brother. more on that later.

Off to get the kids ready for bed, school starts up again tomorrow. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. B4 has an ear infection. We spent New Year's Eve evening in urgent care so we could get medicine for him if he needed it. Which he did, but then finding a pharmacy open was not easy. We ended up at a Walgreens and it took nearly an hour to get it filled. I was not happy. Neither was B4, he was in a lot of pain. Oh well, much better now. Antibiotics, what a great thing.

May Old Aquaintance Be Forgot

This Christmas season, I received lots of Christmas cards from friends here and other parts of the world. This is amazing to me, because, it was not long ago that I did not have any friends here in MN. We moved from Chicago in 1996 and it wouldn't be until about 6 years later when my son started school did I start to make some friends. It was a very lonely time up until that point. I even went through my miscarriage alone. I am so thankful for the friends I have now. They are a strong source of support for me now. How did I do it all those years without them? Plus, now I have all of you blogging friends. Then, this year,something unexpected happened. I received Christmas cards from 2 different friends that I had long since lost touch with!! One of them was actually a couple that I went to Bible School with. I was really good friends with them. I was in their wedding, every time we went to visit in Chicago, we got together with them, when we were there for my brother-in-law's wedding, they came and took care of my newborn for me, I helped plan her bridal shower from a distance and then drove out there for it. And then they moved to a different part of IL and that was it. Never heard from them again. I had no idea what happened, it was strange. I received a Christmas card from them and it in was a note attached announcing their first child would be born in July. I'm wondering if they felt disconnected from us because we had kids and they didn't and now that they are having kids, they want to get back in touch. I don't know this for sure, but it was sure good to hear from them again.

The other friend I heard from was a friend I made in high school. I moved to MN from Canada the summer before starting my junior year. At the time, I did not even know what junior, sophomore, freshmen, even meant. That's just what someone told me. We had lived in Canada for the past 10 years, but we stayed citizens of the US, so I thought it would feel like coming home. I had dreamed of the possibility of graduationg from an American High School, that dream came true, but it wasn't like I had imagined it would be. I was very lonely the first few months of the year. Most of the kids I was going to school with now had been going to school together since Kindergarten and didn't really need any new friends. Then, finally, one day in October I met "Cindy". She was a Christian too, and we almost instantly became inseparable. She was a year behind me, so I graduated before her. I had decided to stay in MN and take a business college course before heading out to IL to start Bible School, so we had three years together. Then I moved to IL and ended up living there for 8 years. Through all that time we stayed very close and kept in touch. When my hubby and I moved back to MN we ended up living in her and her family's basement. That's when the friendship started to fall apart. We lived there for 9 months and I was expecting my first child in 6 weeks and I was a wreck because of the situation we were in. We ended up making a very sudden decision to move into an apartment, 6 weeks later B7 was born, she came to see me, brought her kids, a gift for the baby and told me their house had sold and they were moving to OK. I was blown away that all this was in the works and we did not know anything about it. They moved and I did not hear from her again. Until this Christmas. What a shock that was. For many years after they first moved I kept sending her a birthday card but after never hearing back for so many years I eventually gave up. I'm not sure what inspired her to write to me this year, but it sure was great to see pictures of all the kids and see how much they had grown and hear how things are going for them.

So, I will forget that they are an old aquaintance and enjoy having hearing from them and hope that this year we can become friends again.