Back to School, for mom too

Just a little note to let you all know that is official. I received a call today letting me know that I have been accepted into the school, that I have to go down there on Thursday to register and buy books and that I will start the weekend of the 10th and that I will have an assignment due that first day of class.
So, B7 starts 2nd grade in the morning, B4 starts Be Four next week and I go back to college in 10 days. wow. Do I get new school shoes too?

Mean Mom

I'm the meanest mom in the world. I know you have a hard time believing that, but it's true. Just ask my kids.
For instance, the other day, my baby and I were going to Cub Foods to buy groceries and she is in the I have to take my doll with me everywhere phase so she was bringing her along. But when we got to Cub I made her leave her baby in the car. She cried and pointed to the parking lot almost the entire time we were shopping. I'm so mean.
Then the other day we were out for a walk and the boys started collecting rocks. Lots and lots of rocks, filling up their pockets and trying to gather as many as possible. Now, I understand this. I did the same as a child, I had quite an extensive rock collection and it always bothered me when my mom didn't want me to bring them in the house. I can clearly remember this emotion. I loved to wash them and see them all shiny and more than anything I wanted one of those rock polishers. Which I didn't ever get.
So, there we were on our walk on our way to where my mom works so we can borrow her van for the afternoon and I tell the boys that once we get there they have to leave the rocks in the parking lot because we can't bring them into Nanny's van. Oh, the looks of disappointment on their faces. and while I understood the feeling I still made them dump their pockets because I couldn't bear the thought of cleaning all those rocks out of the van later that day.
It makes me realize that maybe there were reasons for some of the stuff my parents did that made me think they were so mean.
I think I will have to take the kids on a walk around the block so they can pick up rocks and bring them home and wash them and of course, baby doll will come along.

I cleaned it, that makes it mine!

I'm issuing a new rule in my house. It's as follows: NO, you can not use the bathroom anymore!
I cleaned the bathroom yesterday, really, really cleaned it. Took everything out, scrubbed with 4 different kinds of cleansers. It was nice looking and smelling. But I don't have time to stand around admiring my clean bathroom and high fiving the Mr.Clean guy like they do on the commercials. I'm just hoping that the next time I go in there, it's clean for me. It never works out like that. Someone beats me to it and messes it all up before I get in there. How frustrating!
so maybe I can ammend the rule and add: at least until after Mom uses it!!
That's a little selfish, huh?

My Dad

I have been doing a lot of thinking about family lately, mostly about brothers. I will blog on that later, I'm still thinking. But I would like to share a story with you about my Dad. I have got the most amazing Dad in the world and this story proves it.
He was a pastor from the time I was 6 until after my first son was born. When I was 6 we moved from Everett WA to northern Alberta, Canada so my Dad could pastor a church there. This story takes place there, I was in the 3rd grade.
It was the day for us to be tested in music class on our recorders and I forgot to bring mine. I was frantic, I am not the type to forget anything for school and I definetly had to do well on any test. My Dad worked everyday at his office at the church and so I called him to beg him to bring my recorder to me, soon!!
Him: Are you sure you need it today?
Me: Yes, Dad, please bring it to me. I will be in big trouble if I don't have my recorder. Please!!
Him: Can't you borrow one from someone?
Me: No, Dad, I have to have my own!!
Him: Can't you just bring it tomorrow?
Me: (about to have a meltdown) NO!! TODAY!! PLEASE, dad!!
Him: ok, I'll be right there.
I waited anxiously for him to arrive and then there he was, finally, standing at the door to my classroom. I went over and opened the door. He held out his hand and said "Are you sure this is all you need?"
And there, in the palm of his hand, was a quarter!!
My poor Dad could not imagine what I had to have a quarter for. He even called the school after he hung up with me to ask what I might need a quarter for. They had no idea.
But being the amazing father he was, he left work to bring me a quarter.
Of course, at the time I could not see how special he is, all I knew was that I still didn't have my recorder.
Me: "No Dad, my recorder, you know, to play music on, like this one" and I pulled over my friend to show him what I needed.
So he went home to pick it up and bring it back to me. I went on to take my test and did pass.
But thinking back on that day, it always amazes me that my Dad would be willing to leave work, drive across town and bring his daughter a quarter for which there was no known reason for needing it.
I have since thanked him over and over for this awesome display of love for me.

Help

Does anyone have a recipe for banana bread made in a bread machine? Could you pass it along if you do? Thanks.
On another note, in regards to my last post about my kids growing up and making me feel older...earlier this afternoon I talked to a professor I had while in Bible School. I knew him before he was married. He told me that his oldest daughter is 13!! 13!! How in the world did that happen? If his baby aged 13 years how is it that I am still 25??

B4 starts Be Four

I am about to enter a new phase in my life. B4 will start preschool this fall. We finally received the info yesterday and he will be going Tuesday and Thursday mornings for an hour and a half. The program is called Be Four. (because you have to be 4 to be in it, anyway...)
B7 starts 2nd grade, but I am used to him being out of the house all day and he did the B4 program too so we are used to that, but now it's B4's turn and I am wondering what it will be like to be home alone (with my baby) for 2 mornings a week.
Although, by the time I get home from dropping him off and then have to leave again to pick him up there won't be that much time in between.
But I am excited for him. He wants to go to school so much. He got a new Spiderman backpack and he wears it around, just waiting for the day when he finally starts. One of his good friends will be in the same class with him and he will get to meet lots of other friends. Everyone he meets is his friend, so it will be a good thing. When I went to take him for his kindergarten readiness test, the instructor told me that he does not actually need to go to preschool since he already knows everything he needs to know in order to start kindergarten, but that it would be good for him to go because the teachers always appreciate kids who know some stuff and can, in a way, "teach" the other kids. Of course, this made me very proud.
I also like the idea because it helps him know what kindergarten will be like and it gives him something that is his.
So, here I go, off into a new phase, that reminds me that my kids are growing up and that must mean I am getting older. Can that really be?

Get off my back!!

The other night my husband reminded me of a story about our eldest back when he was just going on 2. We lived in an apartment at the time and he could run through the kitchen into the livingroom and back into the kitchen again, around and around. He could do this for hours with his trucks or whatever he had.
One day he was running at top speed, with his arms sort of whipping around behind him, we couldn't figure out what he was doing until we heard him saying,
"Get off my back, get off my back, Jesus! Jesus, get off my back!!"
Around and around all the while telling Jesus to get off his back. We still didn't quite understand what he was doing. But boy did we laugh hysterically the other night as we relived the memory.
Kids, aren't they funny?

The Price of a Smile

Do you know how much it costs to put a smile on your kid's face these days? I do. $1.50.
On Saturday, my parents, my husband, my kids and I went down to a city park that has a huge picnic grounds, a kiddie carnival and a zoo. We stopped at Subway on the way, picked up sandwiches and went down to the picnic grounds where we ate and kicked around a soccer ball for a while. Then, on to the kiddie rides. My little 17 month old rode on her very first rides, all by herself. It was too cute and just about too much! She loved it, when the ride was over you had to pry her out and she would cry, "NOOOOOO!" They had a great time. Then on to the zoo. We saw a cougar, snow leopard, tiger, lion, lioness, buffalo, giraffe, zebras and seals. They were all "Puppy" to my baby. Again, the kids had a great time. But the best was about to happen.
We were on our way out, everyone was tired and dirty and there it was, the carousel!! It is very big and very old. It got it start at the state fair in 11914 and now it lives at this city park where they have built a pavillion to surround it. There were tons of people there, including bridal parties. Yes, the bride and groom were riding the merr-go-round. The price of the ticket: $1.50.
So, the boys and my mom went and when it was finally their turn to get on, B4 was able to pick his horse and climb up. So did B7 and my mom. and they were off.
Now, that day, my boys had played soccer, rode on motercycles, hanggliders, tilt-a-whirl, had french fries and Sprite that Grampa bought for them, watched the zoo animals, heard the tiger roar and saw the polar bear swim. But I think we could have skipped it all and went straight for the carousel. They rode around, beaming, huge smiles on their faces, (including my mom's) and loved every minute of it. and all that would have cost was $1.50 each!!

Glory Baby

I'm thinking probably a Princess theme. Tiarras, tea cups with lemonade or ice tea, little sandwiches, white gloves and princess dresses. For what, you ask?
Today, if it weren't for the miscarriage back on the cold morning in 1998, my little girl would be turning 6. and I think we would probably be having a princess themed party.
It hurts so much to think of her, and yet I can't forget her or that she would be starting 1st grade in a few weeks, that we would have had dance lessons this summer and probably soccer as well. That she would have long blond hair and love to shop with me.
I have 3 beautiful kids.
B7, my first born, who is smart and funny and stubborn and kind and thoughtful and beautiful and he owns my heart.
B4, my blond haired, brown eyed, happy-go-lucky little guy who loves us all so much and lavishes us with hugs and kisses, has never had a moment of jealousy for his baby sister and thinks of the most amazing things to share with us and usually teaches us a profound lesson in life.
and then there's my 17-month old Diva, who is more than I deserve. She's funny and smart and rules the family with her tiny fingers.
So why do I miss my Glory Baby so much?
I call her my glory baby because a few years ago I heard one of the singers from the group Watermark talking on the radio about how they had experienced a miscarriage and how she had written a song for this baby. I immediately went out and bought the CD and listened to it over and over, sobbing all the while.
She writes, "just let Jesus hold you, til Mom and Dad can hold you"
"I can't imagine heaven's lullabies and what tht must sound like but I will rest in knowing Heaven is your home and it's all you'll ever know" The name of that song is Glory Baby.
What more could I want for a child of mine than a home in heaven and to realize that Heaven is all she will ever know is very healing.
So today, while I am mourning the loss of the child who isn't here, I will be more loving, more gentle and more understanding to the ones that are.
Happy Birthday, sweetness, mommy loves you.

Mixed Emotions

I am feeling nervous, yet at the same time I am very excited. I have decided (For real this time) to go back to school and get my license to teach. Yesterday the application came in the mail and I was on the phone trying to figure out how to get all my transcripts sent out. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time and I think this time it will actually happen. Although, I may be a few weeks late for the fall start, but I can definetely start in the winter. And I'm feeling nervous because I have not been to school for 12 years. Wow, 12 years, already? Where does the time go? But I have always loved school and I'm hoping this will not be different. It's weekend college and it will be full of people mostly like me. Moms, who stay at home or who work and are wanting to further their education.
I'm excited because I'm doing this for me. Most of what I do is for someone else, so this is amazing. Our goal is one day that I will be teaching once all the kids are in school and for the most part will have the same schedule they have.
I"ve been waiting a long time for this. It's incredible it's about to happen.

Yesterday my phone line was on the blink so there was no possibility for posting.
So here's a few of the fun moments from my weekend:

My baby has learned to say "peek a boo". She took a blanket and covered her doll and pulled it away and said "k a boo".
I was able to run an errand with my husband without the kids!!
New neighbors moved in behind us and they seem to be really nice.
My husband grilled supper for us on Sunday night, very yummy!!
Cold Stone ice cream on Sunday night!
Time to read the book I am trying to read right now.
B4 telling us to "talk to the hand". (I don't think he knew what he was saying and he wasn't meaning to be rude, but it was very funny)
We went to Famous Dave's for dinner Saturday night.
I started a class at our church that is sort of an introduction to the church, thought is was time since we've been going there over a year now.
Saw a friend from Slovakia that is back in MN at church on Sunday.
Went on a motorcycle ride with my husband.
Made Top Romon salad and ate it with my sister. (our favorite salad)
Visited with other moms at soccer practice.
Decided to try to start back to school this fall. I want to get my license to teach and I'm hoping it's not too late to start this fall.

All in all, we had a good weekend.

A day of Nothing

Today, I have done, get ready, nothing. Nope, not one thing. Well, that's not exactly true, I did have to strip B4's bed this morning and wash and dry his sheets. but other than that, nothing. well, and I made breakfast, lunch and dinner for my family. but that's it. oh and I folded a few loads of laundry. but that's it. nothing else. I am tired and lazy today. I want to take the kids to the store to pick out a treat to snack on while we watch the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics, but I probably won't. They can have microwave popcorn and the Opening Ceremonies will still be as good, I hope.
These are the days when I actually have alot to do, but instead I do nothing. I need to write and mail my thank you letters to those who supported my trip to Slovakia. I have to go through the kids clothes to weed out the "too small" ones and make room for the new school clothes Gramma just sent. I need to "clean sweep" the clutter in my bedroom. (ever see that show, I love it) and I need to "clean sweep" the playroom, that is now just a junk room, so it will be ready when winter comes and the kids need a place to play.
But instead I do nothing. What a way to prioritize, huh?
maybe tomorrow will be better.
Oh, and we just got the soccer pictures back so I need to cut them apart and mail them out to family.
I think I will go make a list of all the things I need to do. Lists always make me feel better.

Family Decisions

Disclaimer: It is not my intention to offend or be rude.
There is something I feel I need to get off my chest. After reading some other blogs out there in blog world and not being welcome to add my 2 cents, I will do it here.
Let me start by saying I believe in homeschooling. In fact it was my intention to homeschool and I thought I would, until my firstborn was born.
This fall will be his 3rd year in public school and so far it has been a positive experience for him.
so here it is:
I won't assume your child is not being socialized if you will not assume mine is getting a poor education.
I will assume you are doing the right thing for you and your family, if you will assume I am doing the same for mine.
Public school is not right for every child and every family, but then neither is homeschooling.
But I am highly offended when homeschooling families attempt to make me feel inferior because I send my child to public school. This is a decision that was not made lightly. I accept your decision. Please accept mine.

ok, enough said.

What are my choices?

I just tried calling a few of my girlfriends and nobody is home and I just felt like I really needed to talk to someone. So I am talking to all of you instead. My frustration level is high at the moment and I am wondering what my choices are for my oldest son. maybe, kick him to the curb, maybe send him to boarding school, maybe sending him to his room for the rest of his life, I don't know. He's only 7, but he's 7 going on 27. In his mind he is an adult and can make his own decisions and for his brother and sister and even the rest of us. I need a recording where I can just push a button and out comes "You are not in charge, I am the mother, I will take care of it." Because I say that over and over and yet he still takes charge. I wish I could understand it so I could help him understand it so he would stop. Or is this even an issue? Should I just let it go and chalk it up to first born syndrome?
I don't know. I am at a loss for words and I'm sure none of this makes sense and I'm not sure there is even a reason to post this. I should go fold my laundry and do some praying.

35 things about me

1. I have been drinking diet coke daily for 20 years (not when I was pregnant)
2. I use vaseline on my eyelids every night.
3. My first car was a 1975 Monte Carlo.
4. 10 of 13 years of schooling was in Northern Canada.
5. My first job was in a dentist office and I passed out on the first day.
6. I've been to Slovakia.
7. I teach 2nd graders at Sunday School.
8. I love black licorice.
9. I have 3 kids.
10. I have been pregnant 4 times.
11. I hate mosqitoes and humidity (why do I live in MN?)
12. I hate cold weather (why do I live in MN?)
13. My usual at Cold Stone is strawberry ice cream with blackberries and fudge mixed in.
14. First movie I ever saw in a theatre was Beverly Hills Cop and I was in High School.
15. I love 80's music.
16. My favorite color is navy blue.
17. 3 of the 6 places I've worked in my life no longer exist.
18. I love to read.
19. In 4th grade I moved to a new school and by 5th grade I had read every book in the school library and they had to bring
me books from the Jr. High to read.
20. I am a middle child, older brother, younger sister.
21. I married a first born.
22. I consider diet Coke and Dorittos a complete meal. (for me, not the kids)
23. I've been to England.
24. I count the days until my birthday.
25. I love to scrapbook.
26. I never wanted a digital camera, now I have one and can't imagine life without it.
27. I have a BA in Christian Education.
28. I was once almost trampled by a dog sled team when I was about 7.
29. I love chocolate of all kinds, preferably in large quantities.
30. I was raised a PK.
31. I didn't get my ears pierced until after the birth of first son, they are not pierced any more.
32. I have an unhealthy fear of the dentist.
33. I had a pink bedroom and a canopy bed as a kid.
34. As an adult there was no longer any pink in my house, until the day we found out we were having a girl. The pink is back.
35. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 4 at a backyard VBS.

my legacy

A few weeks ago at church we had a guest speaker and he spoke on what our legacy would be if and when we died. It took longer than that to preach the whole sermon, but the point of it was to get us thinking. There were blackboards all over the church and he invited us to go to one and write on it what we hoped our legacy would be, if and when we died. I didn't do it. For a few reasons. One was that it seemed morbid to me and I hated thinking of my husband or of me leaving each other and the kids. The other reason was because I didn't know what to say. What I would want my legacy to be seemed so far from what I feel like it would be today, that I just couldn't do it.
Well, yesterday we were at church and while I was waiting for my son to come out of the bathroom I was reading some of the legacies people had written. Some of them were inspiring, some not so much, but I came to realize that if I had thought about it long enough I could have added mine to the others. So since I didn't get to do it at church, I thought I would do it here, hope you don't mind. This I know could be said of me:
She is a daughter of the King.
and maybe, with some work, while I'm still alive, one day people will be able to say
"her love knew no bounds, her patience no limits and her smile lit up the room"
that's the part I will be working on.

Red Jello and Wet Sand

Do you have one vivd memory of a visual aid you saw when you were a kid back in Sunday School? I do, we were in third grade and we were learning about the Israelites and their trip through the desert. Well, when the time came to talk about crossing the Red Sea, my teacher brought in a big jelly roll pan of red jello and split it down the middle and showed us how the sea rolled back. That has stuck with me all these years. I'm not a kid anymore and now I teach Sunday School, but I'm not too old to be touched by a visual aid. A few weeks ago, while learning about God we were doing different "science experiements" to learn about God and His characteristics. One of them was a big bucket of wet sand and the kids could use one of the molds to make the sand castle of their choice. Then they were given a dixie cup of water and they poured it over the sand castle making it disapear, in fact making it seem "as if it had never been there". The lesson? The sand castles represented our sin and the water does to it what God does to our sin; makes it "as though it had never been there". Now, I've was raised in church and I took theology in Bible School. I know God seperates our sin from Him as far as the east is from the west. I've heard the song that says when we bring up an old sin God says "What sin?", that we are forgiven and they are tossed in the sea of forgetfulness. But it's hard to really grasp that God forgets when I can't forget and this small visual aid hit me really hard. After the water is poured over the sandcastle, it's gone, there is not even a trace of it and you would never know that there was once a sandcastle there. It was refreshing to be reminded of this truth, yet impacted in such a strong way. It made me remember an old song we used to sing in church when I was a kid. some of the words were, "I am covered over with a robe of righteousness that Jesus gives to me and when He (God) looks at me He sees not what I used to be but He sees Jesus". I am so thankful that my sins have been covered over. I need to remember that since it's so hard to forget the sins.

Xrays and Rescue Heroes

So, this morning I needed to take my mom to a dr's appt and it meant taking all three kids with me. We had to leave by 8:15 which meant they were all dressed but they had not all eaten. B4 had brought along a Rescue Hero and one of the contraptions they ride in that is sort of like a helicopter. If you are familiar with Rescue Hereos, you know what I mean. Well, the trip there was not too bad. It's about a 20 minute ride but in traffic this morning it took us about 30. We got there on time, got all the kids out of the car, go inside and my mom remembers that she forgot her Xrays. So, off I go, get the kids back in the car, drive home and pick up the Xrays and drive back to the dr's office. This has been about a 45 min trip, all the while the kids are fighting over the Rescue Hero, complaining about being hungry and fighting over whether or not one of them is touching the other.
My mom was done about 4 minutes after we got there so we loaded back in the car and drove home, again. So, while the kids are in the back fighting over the Rescue Hero and the helicopter and complaining about being hungry and trying to play "Rock, Scissios, Paper" (B4 won't play right, he waits to see what you have before showing his hand, whic drives B7 nuts) and fighting over that, my Mom looks over at me and says, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"
Yeah, I was planning on stopping at the grocery store for a couple things but I could not bring myself to expose the poor patrons of the store to my kids. That will have to wait. Maybe I'll go at midnight when I can go alone.

The Things We Say (or don't)

One of the things that bothered me the most when I was a kid was when my mom would say "If you ask me one more time I will say NO!" Well, right then you knew it was never going to happen because she wouldn't bring it up again and if you did, the answer was no. I just did not think that was fair and I vowed never to say that to my kids.
So far, I haven't. But there have been times when it was on the tip of my tongue. The funny thing is that I don't think my kids would be as affected by it as I was.
There is something else my mom used to say and I will try to say it if the occasion arises. Whenever we broke something that was valuable to her she would say "I would rather have one of you than 1000 of those". That's how I knew how much she loved us. So far, my kids haven't broken anything major. I just hope I'm not too angry and remember what it was like to hear those words from my mom, even as we were being disciplined for goofing off and damaging property.
I've discovered there are some phrases I must use often, as the other day B4 said to me
"what does, 'for crying out loud" mean"?
(Another thing my mom would say was "If you don't know what it means, don't say it")
I didn't know how to answer that, it doesn't really mean anything. or if it does I don't know the meaning. I think I should stop saying it.

We talked in Sunday School yesterday about the power of words. We played Simon Says and they realized they moved because of the words that I spoke. Our words can cause movement internally as well, feelings of anger or of love.
I want my kids to have those feelings of love and so my prayer for the day is to use my words wisely and have them bring love and acceptance to my family and the people around me.